Rachel's Secret

She opened her eyes, glowing, exhausted.

"Fuck. What am I going to do with you?"

----------------------------

Making Plans

Three months later Rachel was in college. These were our emails, of preparations for a weekend together:

To Rachel: Sweet girl, you have a way of touching me, so many things I love about you. So playful, such a girl woman, so female, soft, but with sting. I can see the fire in your eyes, and the water, the smoke, the smolder. The dark eyebrows framing your eyes, your white teeth, the turned up corners of your mouth. Your small neck, how you turn your cheek to the side as I caress you. So strong, yielding. Oh, how I would ache, stumbling into work still feeling your 'wounds' your sting, your touch and claws and teeth, like wrestling a tiger. You are my kitty that can bite. See you tonight. Mmmmmmm.

Jimmy

***

Jimmy: I want to blindfold you, yes, with one of my silkscarves. And kiss you all over, bite your neck, mark you. Scratches even in your scalp. I want to fuck you so good I'll change your dna. So slow you growl in anguish. I'll ask you how much you want it, to tell me or I stop. You want it? You want to fuck me? Harder? Faster? Deeper?

Tonight?

Rachel

***

Rachel: It goes both ways sweet, I would do anything, yield. You want me to beg, yes I will beg. My words drift over you like wind. Like warm rain, like flowers. I rush to you like arrows and then explode around you like a puff of petals. Soft, hard, wet, cold, hot. Mmmmmm. I love the growl. I love to be scratched, attack me with that kitty of yours. The head of my cock pressing to your tummy from the inside, rising up into you. One. One. One. rising up, you want this? you want my cock in your kitty? you want it bad? Your hair forming this little room around my face. Leaning down and whispering in my ear, or rising up, hands on my chest and sitting down on me. I imagine how deep the head of my cock could drive inside you. So deep. I can't speak. Mmmmm, to touch your navel with the tip of my cock.

Jimmy

***

Jimmy: Ahhh, stop I can't concentrate. "So deep. I can't speak." My licorice nipples brushing against yours, red from how you chew me.

Rachel

***

Rachel: Ah yes, I can see them now, those wonderful tear drops hanging from you, held before me. I'd love to suck you. So nice and dark, I love your skin, can see you. I get so hard, I am right now. I can't stand up. The curve of my cock, I'll mold your insides, hold me there. Squeeze and mold.

Jimmy

***

Jimmy: You know I always lick my upper lip as I cum. That open mouth, the look of agony, the sounds, moaning and growls. I can't stand it. Oh yeah,fuck me over and over. Lift my knees and get at me from the side, turn my body over and ride me from behind, pull my hair almost straight. Yes, you can ride me all day and all night. Your cock was made for my pussy. I want to hear how good you feel when you're inside me. How you'll never let me go. Every atom of my body molded to you then. So hot we burst into flames and just burn. God you make me wet, I'm a waterfall.

Rachel

--------------

But what about Susan?

Well you know the end. But I give a little bit more. In the same way that first evening with Rachel set my future course, this weekend did the same with Susan. Now before you get all mad about my behavior I put it this way. Rachel, in all her wonder, existed only in this secret world which could never ever be seen or spoken. Hidden. And this relationship had wakened something inside of me, an erotic world that I wanted to share with someone in the open. That is how I put it, good bad indifferent. And as it turns out Susan was that other woman.

I will give a few snippets, and they began almost immediately.

****

For in the moment after Rachel said, "Fuck what am I going to do with you?" the phone was ringing.

The noise came as a shock and I grabbed the phone, Rachel still lying at my side. We were both sitting there with the sheets down around our feet, utterly exposed, naked.

I read the screen. Shit. It's Susan. Truth. That was my first thought.

"Hello?"

"James." Susan's voice.

"Oh hi. I knew it was you."

Rachel lay herself back down looking at me.

She mouthed, 'Who is it?'

"Sorry to bother you, but you had said you might call me this weekend. And..." I did? I had no memory. "Well the weekend is almost over. I'm calling because my schedule is filling up and we were going to get together this week."

Clouds in Rachel's eyes. She could hear the conversation, and immediately knew it was Susan.

Shit. I had this perfect night, perfect day. It would be OK.

Rachel had rolled to a sitting position at the edge of the bed and was fishing for her clothes. I grabbed her and pulled her back to the mattress, she flopped with a giggle.

"Shhhh."

"Well, I don't know how my week is yet either. I don't have my calendar." There was a pause, she may feel I was blowing her off. So I added, "I'm pretty open."

To that remark Susan said, "I promise not to be quite so reserved next time."

Rachel right there with, "What does that mean?"

Distraction. She had to stop listening. I said, "That would be fine, how about next Friday. Gives us the weekend." I began to pull at Rachel's legs, pull them open. At first she was snapping them shut but then as I played left them wide, until I could see the line of her puss opening up, so juicy, her pussy lips opening and the swollen inner lips. The tattoo of angel wings spread wide. Oh god she was delicious.

Susan repeated, "Friday sounds fine." She was so happy. "What are you doing today?"

Rachel could still hear, I lay my hand over her wide open puss. I said, "Taking care of a few things." Rachel could not help but smile.

I squeezed and she stretched out and fell to the mattress.

"Important matters, they have kept me pretty distracted."

I began slipping my hand into the crack of her ass and rubbing lower until my finger pressed across her anus. Rachel jumped, this low moan forming in her throat.

"I've been at the hospital. Hard day, it's so good to hear your voice. Would you like come over to my house?"

"That would be fine." as I ran my hand lower, pressing my fingers into her still sopping cunt.

Rachel was already panting, and when I penetrated her a low growl.

Susan heard, "What was that?"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Not knowing what to say, "I think it's Rachel, I don't know. I think she slipped." I had my thumb at her clit, her hips were rocking against me holding a finger to her mouth, shushing between little giggles. "I better check on her."

And Rachel had me pressed back on the bed.

"I want to say again, what a nice time I had the other night. And...You surprised me." Her voice took on this almost sexy tone, "And next time you won't."

Rachel rolled right on top of me, straddling my legs. I could feel her little bush tickle against my stomach, sitting on me and holding her hands on my chest.

I played along, "I look forward to trying." A double tease going on right now, and my distractions working because Rachel was no longer listening.

Rather, she was squirming on me, sliding her puss over my abdomen lowering herself, I could feel my cock rubbing up her thighs, until my tip bumped her puss. Oh god, I held in a moan. I was not sure I could go hard AGAIN. But my cock was stiffening a little, her legs wide riding up and down my stiffening cock, letting me touch her there, then rising again, and bumping back down on me again. She was trying to get me hard again. I was getting so aroused, and was still on the phone.

"It's nice to know I can still surprise," I added.

To that Susan cooed, "What do you like, I mean, to eat?"

Agony. Oh god. My voice was in this painful low moan, and I had to control myself. How could I speak?

"You can surprise me." I said. "But a little red wine and fruit as a starter, my favorite thing of all. I love peaches."

"Mmmm. OK then." I had images of her flushed and excited.

I took my mouth from the receiver, Rachel was looking down at me with liquid eyes, she had all the time in the world, squirming on me, and it was working. I continued to stiffen, just enough to slide inside. Ohhhhhh. I could not breath as she settled down on me.

"I have to go now Susan. Thanks for calling."

"Bye."

Rachel lifted herself up then, letting my cock slap down on my abdomen and then she was sitting down on me, my cock laying flat and began sliding along its length, her wet puss lubricating my shaft. I could feel her pussy opening, sliding on me with her slit, back so I was at her opening. I lifted my hips pressing the head of my cock inside her again, could feel her opening right around me. She spread her legs, holding herself open and letting herself slide lower. Pushing down. I lifted, and we were pressing ourselves together. The head of my cock, the feeling of her opening. Looking into her face, her mouth held open, her eyes closed.

With eyes closed, she whispered out "You going out with Susan?"

"Yes."

"Hmmmm." She said no more.

She held there, eyes closed, thinking. This pause as that reality was processed and then she lay down on me and kissed me.

I said she was my secret, that we lived in a secret world. That there was no barrier between us, and for that reason we had to share each other with the rest of the world. I began to arch my back and let my cock move out of her again. She did not move, feeling me leave her body now. She simply reacted by squeezing her legs around me, I felt her vagina tighten, this exquisite tightening holding me inside her. So tight, and I thrust up into her again, felt her lower herself down. We held together, pressing our sexes together, filling her, feeling her fall onto me. Feeling her rise up again.

We never got dressed that Sunday. After, we were so sore we could barely walk. Both our sexes sore and bruised.

***

Susan was a surprise. She came into my office on Monday, in another wonderful dress. I joked, "No lab coat."

And she said, "Not for you."

The talk she had was basically that she had been too careful too choosy, that her life was ebbing away. She said I was the first man she had kissed in years. I did not lie and say me too to that one. She could feel my energy, my erotic nature. She had called it that. She had never been so surprised and turned on by anyone. It was like an animal nature, and all words which built my ego. She also indicated that our relationship could be whatever I wanted it to be, that she was interested in feeling something, that she needed her body to wake up, and would I be willing to teach her, wake her. I can be whatever you want me to be, were her words. At first I had no words, I said we would see where it goes. Before she left she stood there and said, "Aren't you going to give me a hug?" I laughed and said "Sure." I went over and she wrapped her arms around me, knowing her eyes glued to mine, leaned in to kiss her.

After, she whimpered, "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" She also said she loved the way I smelled and loved the way I tasted. I kissed her again and lay my hand over her ass. She stiffened, and as she did I whispered in her ear, "No reluctance? When you are in my arms, surrender." And she stopped, relaxed and held to me tight as I traced my hands over her back and bottom, rubbing her hips and even ran my fingers through the crease of her ass. I could feel how small her panties were again and asked, "You always were lingerie?" She blushed, "It is my treat to myself."

I said, "Maybe I will see it sometime." She was at a loss as she exited my office.

***

Rachel did finally understand our situation one time when we went on a hike, a long hike that was hilarious in part because she never had before, and had completely worn non-hiking garb, and a pair of fluffy boots with tassels. I had told her to wear boots. We moved up through a mountain trail, up very high and at an overlook stood by a fence that crossed the path. She was so beautiful with her arms leaning on that fence, and I came up behind her and nudge her with my crotch and hugged her too me.

She glanced back at me, and her whole demeanor stiffened. She wriggled free and said, "Dad, don't be so corny."

I had no idea what she was about, but realized there were some people coming up the trail. She whispering to me, "I told those two I was your niece." She said. She was flustered and embarrassed. This time we went out in public, even in wilderness and our secret. It was impactful on Rachel. She understood, but our relationship continued the entire time she lived with me.

It was a double world I lived. Alternate reality and my wish that it could be different. Do I wonder, dream, long for what I never had.

Yes.

I won't lie. But we all have lives lived in the world everyone sees, with a part of us forever hidden.

It is what makes us human, the pain of which allows us to love.