Fortitude

"...well, you do look a lot like Miss Hathaway...dead ringer for her..."

"Do I look like I'd be smart enough to work at a bank?" Jude scoffed.

"Well, I think you're pretty smart." Kristin said. "Smarter than my boyfriend anyway..."

Jude sensed danger: "Let's try to stay on task, shall we?" she replied tersely. "All in all I'd say you did fairly well today...need to improve your classroom management..." She looked up at the student teacher and made eye contact once again. "Anything you'd like to add?"

For an awkward minute or so, Kristin Bishoff sat there and didn't respond. The lovely girl seemed strangely absent from herself. It was clear that something was bothering her. Jude tried to reassure her. "Kristin, you did fine."

It was clear that something else was bothering the girl. "My—uh—boyfriend, Roger...we had a fight the other night..."

Jude looked a little bewildered. "What does that have to do with your evaluation?" The expression on Kristin's face told her at once it was the wrong thing to say. "I'm sorry to hear that." She said. She reached over and patted the girl's arm. "Men can be real jerks sometimes...not that I'd really be able to understand..."

"I—uh—hate to ask this with such short notice, but..." Kristin hesitated for a second or two. It looked like she was trying to search for the right words to say. "I haven't been able to work on my block plan. I know you offered to meet tomorrow, but after that fight with Roger I really need your help. Could you meet somewhere tonight instead?"

"Sure I don't see why not." Jude replied. "There's a nice little coffee shop downtown called Ekloff's. It's next door to this bowling alley, the Comet. Is seven-thirty okay with you?"

Kristin nodded. "Fine. It's a date then." Jude replied.

"Thanks, Miss H. You're my hero!" Kristin said.

*****

When she got home, Jude's mind became a whirlwind. I've got to slow down, she thought. A quick glance up at the kitchen wall clock revealed that she had about an hour and a half before she had to meet Kristin. Plenty of time to think long and hard about what was happening. She couldn't deny that she was attracted to the lovely student teacher, but she didn't want to get her hopes up either. Not yet. A good long soak in the tub upstairs was what she needed right now.

Before she knew it, those illicit fantasies about the gorgeous redhead ran through the older woman's mind. She reached over and grabbed the bar of soap on the ledge and started to scrub her body. For some reason, Kristin went out of her way to mention that she and her boyfriend were fighting. And when she asked to meet tonight, Jude wondered if she really wanted help with her block plan, or if she simply wanted some company and was afraid to ask for it. Hmm...only time would tell.

Jude barely realized that by now, she'd stopped actually washing. The soap slipped out of her hand and disappeared somewhere in the sudsy depths. The butch woman was masturbating to the thoughts of her beautiful student teacher. She ran her hands over her breasts, scarcely large enough to fill her palms, and across her distended nipples.

Very soon Jude's hands wandered down across her flattened stomach. The tips of her fingers made contact with the dense thicket of pubic hair which covered her mound, and a loud gasp escaped her lips.

"Mmm...Kristin...I can be your Roger." She whispered. "I'm better than he is, honey. I'm here..."

Jude shuddered as she felt the space between her legs opening; her clitoris hardening as her fingers made contact. In a move that she'd otherwise consider shocking, Jude slumped backwards in the hot soapy water. She spread her slender legs apart, resting her heels against the ledge of the tub while she massaged the petals of her swollen mound.

Minutes later, the butch woman cried out and her eyes flew open. Oh God...where did that come from? Jude quickly sat up, sloshing hot soapy water over the side of the tub. Her cheeks were flush and her heart was pounding furiously as she searched around for the soap. Jude quickly finished up in the bathroom and got dressed. As she headed back downstairs, she noticed the time on the clock said 7:21. "Good grief. I'm gonna be late!" Jude grumbled. She snatched up her keys and dashed out the door.

*****

Thatcher Blake is a mid-sized city with about 160,000 residents and a thriving downtown. The drive to Ekloff's coffee shop didn't take long even though it was Friday night and most people were ready to start their weekend. Jude parked her car and hurried down the street, almost an entire city block, past the Comet, until she reached her destination.

The place wasn't very busy, but that was just fine with Jude. She spotted Kristin right away, sitting in a booth towards the back of the dining room. The girl looked absolutely breathtaking, and suddenly Jude felt very underdressed. Although the weather was slowly creeping towards spring, it was still cold enough to need a sweater. Kristin was wearing a lovely light colored one which she paired with a knee-length skirt and dress flats. The outfit, though casual, looked stunning on her. Jude swallowed hard and approached the girl.

Kristin greeted the butch gym teacher with a smile. "Hey I thought you'd never get here!" She said. "Thought maybe you chickened out on our date."

Jude's throat suddenly felt tight and her mouth twisted into a frown. "Maybe that was a poor choice of words on my part." She said as she sat across from the girl. "We're supposed to work on that block plan, remember?"

"Well I bet you're better company than Roger is." Kristin replied. "He still wouldn't help me when I asked. Says he's been busy grading end of chapter tests. I'm really starting to wonder if it's just an excuse not so see me or something."

"Teaching is busy work." Jude said. "Sometimes it seems endless. Maybe you're being a little too hard on him."

"I think Roger's been seeing someone else." Kristin said. "I was over at his apartment last night and I found this pair of women's shoes. They weren't mine..."

Jude grimaced. She needed to redirect the conversation quickly. "Well for now, let's have a look at your block plan shall we? You're starting interpretive dance, right?"

Kristin handed Jude a folder. The butch woman opened it and started thumbing through the contents.

"Interpretive dance starting Monday and then archery." Kristin replied as Jude skimmed the first few pages.

Just then a waitress came by to take their orders.

"Hi, Wilma." Jude said. Her eyes were still glued to the papers in front of her. "Just bring me the usual and whatever the young lady here wants. One check, please. My treat."

When the waitress was through taking Kristin's order, the gorgeous redhead looked a little bewildered. "That's awfully nice of you, Jude." She said. "But I didn't mean for you to pay. I can afford it."

"Oh, that's okay." The butch woman replied dismissively. "It's not that much. Besides...I kind of like your company."

"Thanks." Kristin said softly. Then she stole a quick glance in the general direction of the kitchen. "You must, um...come here a lot, huh?"

"Mmm...sometimes. Our bible study group stops in now and then." Jude was still reading over the block plan. "Wilma's an ex-student of mine if you're wondering." She said. "Nice girl. Has a husband and two kids."

The waitress returned with a cup of coffee for Jude and a small soda for Kristin. A few minutes later, she was back with their orders; a burger and fries for Kristin and a cup of soup and a small salad for Jude.

"Not bad." Jude said, referring to the block plan. "But you've only listed two skills here for interpretive dance. What else will the girls learn besides posture and balance?"

Kristin shoved a couple fries in her mouth and tried to think of an acceptable answer. "Umm...stamina? Flexibility?" She offered tentatively.

"Okay...and what sort of evaluation will you use?"

"I thought I'd go with peer feedback..." Kristin said. Her voice trailed off and suddenly she furrowed her brow. "Damn, I didn't think it would be this hard!"

"Well get used to it, kid. It'll get a whole lot harder once you get a classroom of your own."

Jude finished her soup now and started picking at her salad. Kristin started complaining about her boyfriend again and it was quickly making the butch gym teacher jealous. She never met the guy, never saw so much as a photo of him, but the way Kristin talked about him said volumes. It sounded like the guy never cared about her to begin with. Jude hated his guts; hated the fact that he had this beautiful girl to himself and he didn't even want her. He has no idea how lucky he is!

Jude wanted to lash out at her student teacher. She wanted to tell her to shut up as the all too familiar feeling of loneliness and desire arose, making the skin on her arms prickle and burn. Then much to Jude's relief, Kristin stopped and let out a sigh.

"I don't want to talk about Roger any more. I'm uh...kind of curious. Where—I mean—how did you get a name like Jude?"

The question caught the butch woman a little off guard, and almost instantly, the feelings of loneliness and desire retreated.

"St. Jude." She replied. She lowered her voice and the girl had to strain to hear her over the noise from the other diners. "I was named for St. Jude, patron saint of hopeless cases. My father was a preacher, God rest his soul. He was raised Catholic."

For a moment, Jude wondered why she chose this girl, of all people, to reveal such an intimate detail about her life to. She barely knew Kristin, and after she was through with her student teaching semester, she'd graduate and get a job somewhere else, likely far away from Thatcher Blake and far away from Jude. But there was something about Kristin Bishoff, something deeper than her beauty that compelled the older woman to trust her.

The waitress returned to clear away the empty plates now. Jude fished her billfold from her pocket and handed the woman $10.00. "Keep the change, Wilma." She said. The waitress thanked them and wished them both a good rest of the evening.

"Wow, a saint!" Kristin said. There was a hint of incredulity to her voice. "You know sometimes I think I'm a hopeless case."

"Oh stop it!" Jude scolded. "I don't want to hear another word! You're a bright young lady who is about to become a teacher—and a damn good one from what I've observed so far! You're a lovely girl...beautiful too if you don't mind me saying so. That boyfriend of yours is a lucky young man."

They put on their coats and left the coffee shop. For a few awkward minutes, they stood there on the sidewalk. The skin around Jude's ears suddenly prickled and her cheeks became flush in spite of the frigid night air. Kristin's reply broke the silence, enveloping the butch gym teacher in a cocoon of warmth and something like hope.

"I really think that Roger and I are through." She said softly. "Truth is...I really don't want to see him anymore."

Jude, unsure of how to respond, offered to walk Kristin to her car.

"Oh that's okay, Miss H." Kristin said. "My apartment is only a few blocks away from here. I walked."

The gorgeous redhead said good night to the butch gym teacher and started to walk away when Jude stopped her.

"Uh...it's awfully late...maybe I should walk you back...to make sure you get there okay."

Kristin favored the old dyke with a demure little smile. "So I guess it's safe to assume that chivalry isn't dead!"

As they walked, Jude got to know her student teacher a little better. And the more she heard, the more she decided she liked the girl. Kristin grew up in Evanston, IL. She loved all sorts of outdoor sports, and she graduated from a small Christian high school before deciding to attend Blake College.

"I guess I still consider myself a Christian. I believe in God, but I stopped going to church." She said. "Since I moved to Thatcher Blake, I've been feeling sort of...out of place, like I don't fit in."

Jude invited the girl to attend her bible study group. "Maybe you'd like to come along tomorrow afternoon." She offered. "We're a small group, but it's very informal and we always welcome visitors."

Jude was unprepared as the lovely redhead's response came like bullets, stopping the older woman in her tracks.

"Please don't be mad at me, Miss H, but I heard this rumor floating around the school. I—uh—talked to Miss Dowd, and...I heard you were a...that you like other..."

Kristin looked down at her feet. It was obvious as her voice trailed off that she was afraid to complete her sentence; afraid of offending the older woman. Jude sucked her breath in, trying to think of what to say.

"Kristin, what you asked me is very personal, very...private." The old dyke exhaled sharply and sucked in another wavering breath of the cold night air. "But if you must know, yes. I...prefer the company of other women...if that was what you meant to ask."

"But isn't that a sin?"

"I suppose it is in the eyes of some people." Jude replied. "But it doesn't stop me from having a relationship with God and living a spiritual life."

"I'm sorry about that." Kristin said. "It's none of my business. I knew I shouldn't have asked."

They stopped in front of a door which was sandwiched between two storefronts. Through the glass, Jude could see a narrow staircase leading up to a second floor landing.

"We're here." Kristin said. "I'd ask if you wanted to come up, but I really need to finish my lesson plans and the place is a mess!"

Jude looked perplexed. "You—you aren't bothered by what I just told you?"

"Well most of my friends back home wouldn't like it. They think that sort of stuff is sick. I'm not sure what my parents would think. But love is love, isn't it? How can God be against that?"

For a few moments they stood there in silence. Then Kristin said: "I'd love to come to your bible study. Roger says he's going to be busy anyway."

A smile spread across Jude's thin lips. "Sounds good. We meet in the basement at a church across town. I'll call you tomorrow and give you the directions."

Kristin smiled, said good night, and disappeared up the staircase while Jude stood there, not believing what she'd heard.

*****

The following afternoon, Jude called Kristin about the bible study meeting. She intended on offering her a ride over to the church, but when the girl answered, her voice sounded strange, as if she had a sudden change of heart. Her otherwise cheerful voice seemed distant and strained.

"Sorry but I don't think I can make it. Senior Sportheads had a volleyball tournament this morning. I hurt my shoulder pretty bad."

Senior Sportheads! Jude almost forgot that Kristin was still a college student with a life of her own. Senior Sportheads is one of the clubs offered through the Blake College Phys. Ed. Department, and Kristin was a co-captain. The Sportheads met twice a week and held informal tournaments every Saturday on campus.

"Probably a rotator cuff injury." Jude replied. "Some ice and lots of rest should do the trick. If you need anything, I'd be happy to stop by on my way to the church."

There was a pause on the other end of the line followed by a wavering sigh. "I—ah—told you that I didn't want to see Roger anymore, but..."

Kristin's voice trailed off and after a few seconds, Jude thought she heard sobbing. "Kristin...is everything okay?"

"Yeah um...he called and...asked to come over and I miss him because he's always so busy so I said yes. We're going out to dinner and he promised to help me finish writing out my block and lesson plans."

As Jude held the receiver against her ear, her heart sank and a lump the size of a small boulder formed in her throat.

"You understand, Miss Horst...don't you?"

Jude swallowed hard. Her eyes began to glaze over with tears and her vision became blurry. "Of course I understand." She said. She tried her hardest to sound like she didn't care, but she did. "And stop calling me Miss Horst. We're not at school. You make me feel old!"

"Sorry about that." Kristin said. "Maybe I could go with you some other time instead."

"Yes. Maybe next time. See you on Monday, kid." Jude replied, and then she hung up.

*****

Jude Horst's car pulled into the parking lot of a plain white church on the far side of Thatcher Blake near the neighboring town of Harmony Heights. Her vision was still a little blurry and her mind was in a haze when she went inside and headed for the basement. She seemed to be getting along so well with her student teacher until a short while ago when she called. Jude began to wonder if there was something between her and Kristin or if her imagination was starting to run wild.

As the specter of doubt reared its ugly head, the butch woman entered one of the two large classrooms normally used for Sunday school. Two large tables occupied the space and a handful of women were already seated around both.

"Afternoon, Jude. We're just about to get started."

The Reverend Nellie Kling stood at the front of the room, in front of the chalkboard. Reverend Kling is the head of the ladies' Bible study group and the head chaplain of Blake College. The slightly plump, jovial middle-aged woman turned and began writing something on the chalkboard while a few of the other women started thumbing through their bibles.

Jude took a seat next to Birgitta Larson and Carol Treadway (known by her friends and colleagues as CJ), fellow gym teachers from North Haskell High School. The three of them exchanged a quick greeting just as the Reverend Kling addressed the small group of women. The topic of the afternoon's lesson was patience.

"It seems like we're always waiting for something aren't we, ladies?" Reverend Kling asked this rhetorical question and a few heads bobbed in affirmation. "But the Lord tells us that we must be patient if we want things to go in our favor. Whether it is a job that we want, a larger house, or a soulmate who is faithful and completes us. God has a plan..."

Suddenly Jude began to feel a little foolish as the Reverend continued speaking. Maybe it was all perfectly innocent and Kristin was just trying to be friendly. The girl hardly said anything last night that she would call suggestive...except when her mind spun the girl's words the way she wanted them to go.

The lesson continued for what seemed like an eternity before the Reverend finally wrapped things up. "To be patient requires us to wait. But it is how we wait, ladies, that is most important to God."

This was followed by a few fervent "Amens" uttered by the group. After the lesson, Jude sat with a few of the ladies for another half hour or so before deciding it was time to head home. As she drove through the streets of Thatcher Blake, her thoughts were mired in a dense fog of confusion about Kristin's behavior.

Jude wondered if Kristin ever had thoughts about other women. It certainly seemed clear last night that she was no longer interested in her boyfriend—that is until this afternoon. But even if her student teacher was curious, it didn't necessarily mean she'd be interested in an older butch woman like her. Besides, she was old enough to be the girl's mother!

When she got home, Jude fixed herself a sandwich. She stood there leaning against the kitchen counter submerged in a wilderness of puzzlement and disgust with herself for wanting the beautiful college senior. Jude swallowed hard and closed her eyes tightly. She silently admitted what she tried so hard to refute these past few weeks. "Kristin deserves better," the butch woman muttered softly. "I could give her what she wants if only she could see..." Jude finished the last of her sandwich, chasing it with a glass of ice water. She looked around the spacious kitchen and tried to stop feeling sorry for herself.

The Reverend Kling's instruction echoed in the gym teacher's mind, drawing her towards the small kitchen table where she slowly took a seat. As if a spell had come over her, Jude was suddenly filled with a strange sort of tranquility. In mere seconds her thoughts became untangled and she knew what to do as surely as her lips formed the words: