Spice Up Your Marriage

As for women, we can be spontaneous too. Since my man loves my legs and feet in nylons... I will send him at least one picture of my legs or feet every day he is away. I will always be dressed nice when he comes after a long trip (not so much spontaneous than sweet), I'll go down on him randomly and I'll often go commando (or as a fan wrote to me recently... unencumbered under my dress). Okay, apparently, most of my spontaneity is sexual (but I don't think he would complain).

Back to surprises.

Now I already mentioned that many women hate surprises... but that doesn't mean you can't do one well.

For men, obviously bringing her flowers, sending her flowers at work, or just surprising her by taking her out for dinner are all nice sweet surprises. Giving her a foot massage or any sort of massage is always sweet too.

For the women, making him his favourite meal (men you can do this for her too), massaging his shoulders after work, or sending him a flirtatious text are all good simple surprises.

Both of you can surprise the other by waking them up the best way possible... oral sex. My man has woken me up going down on me many times... sometimes without wanting anything in return... and I have to say it is a great way to be woken up (so is actual breakfast in bed... for the record). I have also woken my man up with oral sex... although not as often... and he seems to more than enjoy it.

Outside the bedroom I will surprise my man by going commando, or wearing something new under my attire: new lingerie, a garter and stockings, crotch less pantyhose, etc.

Anyways, surprises can be good as long as they are not extreme as I mentioned earlier.

In the end, the key is to keep the relationship fresh, make sure your spouse knows you are still interested in them mentally and physically, and don't let the flame flicker out.

4. PUT EFFORT OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM

Putting effort outside the bedroom will likely improve intimacy in the bedroom.

Men:

-Shave every day (unless your women likes a mustache or beard). By the way. Most women don't... so check men. Although a couple of days stubble can add to the pleasure when my man is dining downstairs.

-wear the cologne she bought you. Women are aroused by all the senses.

-stay in shape. Nothing is hotter than a man in good shape.

-don't change into sweats the minute you get home from work. In other words, look good at home and not just in public.

-ASK and actually LISTEN AND CARE about your wife's day. Feeling appreciated will enhance her desire to have sex.

-compliment her. Not just her ass looks great today, but her hair, her eyes, her outfit. Treat her like she is the most important woman in the world. Treat her like she is your queen.

-bring her flowers once a month

-kiss her good night

-say I love you at least once a day

-text her something sweet while at work every day. Let her know you are thinking about her at all times.

Women:

-don't complain about something he did or the kids did the minute he gets home (yes, these things are important if you feel the need to share them... but timing is important).

-ask about his day (most women already do this).

-compliment him. I know this is something I don't do enough. But ladies, we love getting compliments and it literally will make our day (seriously I'm on cloud nine every time I get a compliment about my shoes), so it makes sense men would like them too (although they are not used it)

-wear nice clothes at home too (yes, sweats are incredibly comfortable). My man, obviously, likes nylons so I stay in them until I change into my pyjamas. That includes with jeans or even the rare time I do switch into sweats (I'm talking to you winter in Canada). Just don't try harder looking good at work, than you do when you get home. Ps: I understand this isn't an every day concept... my husband is gone for days at a time so I only have to follow my rules some of the times

-get Snapchat to send fun pictures of yourself (these do not need to be nudes or even sexy pics). Just reminders of how beautiful you are or that you are thinking of him. I will send him a leg or foot pic in nylons almost every day, but also selfies, funny things I see when I'm out and about, pictures of my supper (he does that too) and whatever else seems relevant. Again, this is a simple thing to do to keep each other in each other's thoughts even when you could be miles away.

-pretend to care about sports (I know it's hard... actually it's the hardest thIng I have to do). I mean I am okay with sports on occasion, but he will listen to the pre-game, watch the game, listen to the post-game and even cll in to it... and tweet vent throughout the game. He also thinks the players can hear him through the television or that officials read the tweets. Men.

-kiss him good night

-tell him you love him every day

Other key things:

Hold hands in public.

Have quiet time alone.

Go out for dinner just the two of you where kids and work are forbidden topics.

Go for ice cream (I mean seriously this is a must... what man or woman doesn't like ice cream?). I mean political parties should have to have their useless debates at an ice cream parlour.

Anyways, I may be getting repetitive so let's get onto the next one. But just remember treating each other with compassion, tenderness and love at all times will not only lead to a strong marriage it will almost certainly lead to a better and mor frequent sex life.

5. YES/NO/MAYBE LIST

A great way to discuss in a safe way is a yes/no/maybe list.

The list is a checklist of sexual activities. You keep one and give one to your spouse, both do it individually, then share. Any multiple yes responses are things you can do ASAP. Any no responses push aside. Any maybes add to a discussion for later. Here are all the aspects of the list with, of course, my thoughts on each of the different individual aspects of the checklist.

The checklist and my responses:

69-yes (we have done this many times in my life... although truth be told I prefer a 69 with another woman)

Anal Sex-yes (Of course this only occurs with a LOT of lube and usually a couple glasses of wine)

Analingus-yes (I love my ass being eaten, although I have never eaten a man's asshole)

Anal toys-yes (A great way to prep my ass for a big cock)

Audio erotica-yes (although we had never did that before... we have since)

Biting-maybe (if it is gentle)

Blindfolds-maybe (I hate the unknown)

Bondage-maybe (although unlikely... I can't stand not being in control of my body)

Choking-no (I don't see this as a turn-on at all)

Cuckolding-no (while I have written about it and occasionally find it hot, I would never want to cuckold my man)

Cuddling-yes (especially after a good fucking or watching a movie)

Deepthroating-yes (I love a cock all the way in my mouth and a set of balls resting or slapping against my chin)

Deep breathing-? (unsure what that even meant)

Dirty Talk-yes, yes, yes (I love when my husband talks dirty; although this may surprise some I am not good at saying it myself as it seems forced and awkward)

Dominance-yes (um, have you read any of my stories...LOL)

Dressing up-yes (I love dressing up in a nice dress, but wearing sexy lingerie and going commando underneath)

Edging-yes (although not something I do or get done to me really)

Electrostimulation-no (yuck)

Erotic massage-yes (something we hadn't done and since has become a regular part of our sex life)

Exhibitionism-yes (the thrill of being watched is a bit of a turn-on... although also scary as I am self-conscious about my body)

Eye contact-yes (its hot when he looks me in the eyes as he pounds me hard)

Facesitting-yes (I love having a woman sit on my face... I don't enjoy as much sitting on another person's face as I usually can't come this way)

Fingering-yes (especially right when I'm close when getting my pussy eaten)

Fisting-yes (only when super horny and drunk)

Flirting-yes (of course)

Food play-maybe (I like the kink of it, less like the sanitary reality of it)

Foot massage-yes (God, I love a foot massage)

Gags-maybe (I may be willing to do this, although I rather just be gagged by a cock)

Group sex-yes (we have discussed this a little bit... as he said maybe)

G-spot stimulation-of course

Hair pulling-yes (especially when I'm getting hard back shots)

Handjob-yes (with lube this can be fun, although I rather just suck it)

Handcuffs-maybe (don't' like being bound so more no than maybe)

Homemade porn-yes (believe it or not we have never did this)

Humiliation-yes (only during the heat of the moment)

Lap dance-yes (although I've never done one... have got some done to me from both sexes though)

Licking-yes (of course... giving and receiving)

Making out-yes (great warm up)

Massage candle-maybe (after looking it up likely a yes)

Mutual masturbation (yes, we tried this and both fond it awkward)

Massing inner thigh-yes

Neck kissing-yes (I have a very sensitive neck and ear lobe)

Nipple play-yes (although more for him as his are very sensitive, mine sadly are not)

Oral sex-yes (giving and receiving... I come best from oral sex... most women do)

Orgasm denial-maybe (I hate the idea but would obey if it was an order)

Pain play-no (I'm a wimp and don't see any sexual stimulation or mental stimulation in such an act)

Pegging-yes (he said no, although the idea of fucking a guy in the ass is pretty hot)

Phone sex-yes (although I find it awkward)

Period sex-yes (although I'm in menopause now so....)

Penis rings-yes (he bought one recently although we have not used it)

Penis worship-yes (it's what I do)

Post-sex shower-yes (very romantic)

Praise kink-unsure what that means

Prostate play-yes (he said no)

Reading erotica-yes (believe it or not we have not done this... although the idea of reading him one of my own stories is pretty kinky)

Role play-yes (I love dressing up in costumes or outfits... I was a babysitter with pigtails just a couple of weeks ago)

Rope play-no (as mentioned above I hate being bound)

Sexting-yes (we do this sometimes)

Sex games-yes (we have played with dice like mentioned above)

Sex parties-maybe (yes if my husband was into it... he said maybe too... although we have not yet broached these two maybes)

Sex outside-yes (this was more common in my youth)

Sex toy play-yes (I love when he uses a toy on me when he eats me out or fucks me)

Sex toy shopping-yes (if you have not done this with your man or woman do so)

Shower sex-yes (although I don't' find it overly comfortable)

Slow sex-yes (yes, but usually just to warm me up for a good fucking)

Spanking-yes (playfully, yes)

Spooning-yes (of course)

Squirting-yes (it happens to be only when drinking)

Strap-on play-yes (I love getting fucked by a strap-on... would love to use one)

Striptease-yes-(I would... but so awkward... rather watch him do one)

Submission-yes (this is who I am)

Swinging-maybe (like sex parties he too said maybe)

Tantric sex-yes (although it would drive me nuts)

Threesomes-yes (if it was with a girl he would say yes for sure... which I could do... although not sure if I would want him to touch her; similarly I could do two guys but not sure he would be comfortable)

Temperature play-no (yuck)

Watching porn-yes (we should do this more)

Wearing lingerie-yes (um, of course)

Vulva worship-yes (done to me and doing it to someone)

Voyeurism-yes (the idea of others watching me is a turn on... sometimes)

I also found a kinkier version of this (just today)... so here it is with my answers:

BDSM Club trip-maybe (if it was focused on submission and not bondage)

Double penetration-yes (dying to have two cocks in me at once... have had a toy in my ass as my husband fucked me on a few occasions)

Face fucking-yes (love having a cock pounding my mouth like it's a pussy)

Face slapping-yes (with a cock--- no with a hand)

Fetish clothing-yes (curious what this means)

Flogging-no (no pain)

Foot worship-yes (of course)

Furry play-no (not my thing)

Gagging-yes (I don't love it, as I actually feel bad when I do, but it can be part of the encounter)

Gender Play-maybe (the idea of being the one doing the fucking is hot)

Nipple clamps-no (unless very gentle maybe)

Prostate massage-yes (if I could convince him of this I think we would love it)

Rape fantasy-yes (I'd be lying if I didn't have a few of these)

Restraint-No (mentioned above)

Scat-no (this is gross to me; although oddly golden showers ae somewhat intriguing... surprised it wasn't on this list)

Scratching-Maybe (I do use my fingernails on him when in rapture... don't' like the feeling on me)

Sensory deprivation-maybe (unsure how this would work)

Sex swing-yes (sounds fun)

Somnophilia-no (I hate being woken up and the fact of being woken up being fucked doesn't do it for me)

Shaving/grooming-no (nobody other than myself or a professional is ever going to be shaving me... I don't trust my husband with scissors to cut paper never mind around my pussy)

Wax play-no (sounds painful)

NOTE BEFORE GETTING INTO THE REAL SEXUAL SUGGESTIONS:

Sams Island said after doing a read of this essay "Your advice is to spice up love lives with big doses of habanero, let alone jalapeño; straight shots of Tabasco vs sprinkling on some seasoned salt." In other words, he was warning me that some of my own kinks and suggestions might be a little extreme for people just trying to get the Vanilla back in their lives, or perhaps elevate it to French Vanilla. Of course, he's right, but that's why upfront I suggested you read this essay with your partner. I It doesn't matter if you are shy and timid, or loud and kinky... its about exploring your sexuality as a couple. And you can't explore that fully if I only give you different variations of vanilla. So, read the whole decadent menu and be honest with each other about what turns you on, even if you've never gone that far before.

On that note:

Since most reader requests for advice come from straight guys looking to spice up their marriages to straight women, and my own sex these days is decidedly hetero, I'll illustrate most of my thoughts with two-person hetero examples for ease of writing. But I believe this advice would work just as well for lesbian, gay, or trans relationships of two, or even more, people. That said, on occasion I'll also give examples for members of the LGTBQ+ community.

Now, onto the fun....

6. SEX DICE

Okay, finally, I get to the ideas.

Perhaps one of the easiest and safest ways to start to rekindle your libidos is with sex dice.

First, they are cheap. Usually under ten bucks, unless you live in Canada where everything is more expensive and it likely will cost you fifteen.

Second, besides Amazon or an online sex store, you can find these at any adult store in your area. They are a staple of sex shops (although there are a lot of staples at adult shops), but adult shops will be discussed in its own section later.

Third, they are simplistic.

Fourth, there is a lot of variety.

A. the most common set is also a very safe way to start.

-One die has these six tasks: kiss, lick, blow, suck, touch, massage

-The other die has where: navel, eats, neck, lips, thigh hand (although the fact there is no feet on this die is outrageous to me)

As you can see this one is pretty tame and used for basic foreplay.

B. Same concept but with some edgier changes.

-One die has the same six tasks, but the locations differ for men and women. For a woman: asshole, clit, pussy, nipples, neck, lips (I still think we need feet and toes on there but I'm likely in the minority). Ears could also be added if you created an eight-sided die.

-For a man: ass, balls, dick, nipples (my man's nipples are super sensitive), neck and ear.

As you can see this shifts to more aggressive foreplay, although still doesn't get into intercourse.

C. One set of two will have six different positions and six different lengths of time to do that position.

-Some fun positions or locations include: living room, kitchen, laundry room, bedroom, bathroom, against a wall, closet, car, garage, etc.

-While the times can include 15 seconds, 30 seconds, one minute, two minutes, five minutes and until he or she comes.

Other dice I have seen include:

Locations: floor, chair, against wall, table, standing and washing machine

Toys: ice, handcuffs, blindfold, vibrator, tickler, and flavoured lube

If you can't afford the money, or don't want to go into an adult store you can make your own by doing this. Get two dice and do this (which I just made up)

All these are 15 seconds

1-1 suck nipples

1-2 lick and suck toes (of course the female is in nylons... that goes without saying, right?)

1-3 kiss ass cheeks

1-4 make out

1-5 three licks of pussy or sucks of dick

1-6 tease ear

All these are 30 seconds

2-2 missionary

2-3 doggy style

2-4 reserve cowgirl

2-5 69

2-6 on side

All these for a minute (I recommend)

3-3 rub or lick body oil on back

3-4 rub or lick body oil on front

3-5 rub or lick body oil in privates

3-6 rub or lick body oil on legs and feet

45 seconds (more intense positions)

4-4 Cork screw

4-5 pretzel dip

4-6 flatiron

All these one minute

5-5 blow job or eat pussy

5-6 face sir or face fuck

One minute

6-6 anal (lick, finger, toy or fuck)

Lastly, because I am me, I recently bought a rather raunchy version of sex dice which we used just a couple of days ago for research (yes, just for research, of course).