Memories of Eva: Gray

"You have no idea how I feel about you, little girl."

"What I love best about you. What is most delicious to me; is you give me something I always wanted."

"What's that?"

"I always have wanted.... is to be shown, taught, opened up. No one ever seems to be willing to do that for me. Romance yeah, but sex." She blushed, the look of her saying that word.

I laughed, guilty, sort of proud.

"Paul. There's this whole other person inside of me, the one that you are seeing, the one you've been talking to, she has always been screaming to be let out. You NEED to let me. I don't, don't know how. And I don't entirely know why. We have something that we can't let go of, walk away from. And......" I had already finished my wine. "And we can't stop."

"I want you to know, I never want to hurt you. You haven't had the best experiences, and right now things are, I think, they're pretty wonderful. But....." I wanted to say more, but it was too much, I knew too much. Too longwinded.

I simply said, "I need another...."

I watched her tear up, "Christ. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm crying now. I'm just too excited."

"It's ok. Ok. We are fine. We are great."

*****************

Oh the things we talked about, the things we said. I have no sense of what was said when, the order of anything. The order of my life is gone now anyways. Once you have left yourself, left the world, exited time. You are never fully back in it again. It never fits the same way again.

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"You have traveled so much, I'm so jealous. Promise me you'll take me to Europe, to France and Thailand, someday. Take me everywhere with you, I want to go........... I want to set off rockets, blow shit up, just kidding... but that would be cool. Only when traveling though. Ha!

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"I want to sit next to you in a hot tub, naked with ten other people. Be the one taking care of your poor drunk ass. Hahahaha. I love taking care of drunk people, I don't know why. Makes me feel useful, I guess. Being able to help a friend in such a vulnerable state. I would love to take care of you. And you could be as lecherous as you want."

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"Please paint me, paint on my skin. I want to feel your fingers, your brushes ON ME. The oils spreading on my skin. This seems random, but I can't get the idea of it out of my head. This book I love, in it the guy paints on his girlfriends skin when they're painting her new apartment. Its just wall paint, but....I just love those passages. Sigh. I was on cloud nine the rest of the night just thinking about being painted, on my skin. The brush, the warm paint. After I read it, I was like laying on the sofa and mom kept staring at me , and I couldn't figure out why. I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I had my hair tied back, but my cheeks were all flushed, all pink and pretty. My eyes looked so bright and I had this permanent smile on my face. I looked rather post-orgasmic. It was so funny. I realized, she had to have thought I just had sex or something."

*******************

We sat across from each other, our hands reaching out across the table. We were sitting in a dark corner of a little bar, smoke in the air, warmth, the smell of liquor. Red, and glowing orange lights.

I remembered something, "I thought you were going to sit in my lap."

She leaned in. "I did didn't I?"

I watched her rise from her chair as if in a dream, the way she moved just then. An animal moving inside her, as she stepped around the table, and as I turned to her, as she stood right in front of me laying her hand on my shoulders. I watched her knees rise as she settled herself above me in the little booth, knees on each side of me, her feet poking out from my knees. She pulled at me and moved herself so we were crotch to crotch. I was so hard, the bump of her against me sent shivers up my spine, my brow was wet. I simply looked at her.

I could feel hairs against the fabric of my pants. She sat on me, but felt light as a feather.

I held her around her waist and looked up into her eyes and let her hair fall all around me. God how I loved her wide eyes, open mouth as she leaned in, softly, so softly kissed me. Her mouth parting lightly and I felt her tongue trace the tops of my teeth. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I could feel her body undulating, stroking my cock with her pussy. She took my lower lip and sucked on it softly, then bit with her teeth smiling, "I said I'd do that too." We kissed slowly, deliciously, lazily - all the time in the world - touching our mouths, feeling our tongues.

She was touching my cheek with her palm, running her fingers through my hair, looking at me over and over like she was amazed I was there. Smiling. Settling her small frame into my lap, my little girl, with one leg on each side of me straddling me. At some point I remember saying, "This is really happening."

She squeaked, "I know!"

And I was stroking her, running my hands down her back, massaging her shoulder blades, feeling the frame of her, and wrapping my hands down around her small waist. The trail of skin between her top and her skirt. She was still moving along my length, tipping her hips back and forth, feeling me harden and press back into her, sighing and moaning at the feel of me. Unmistakable, I could feel her bare flesh, sliding now along the fabric of my pants. Staining me.

"Have you got panties on?"

She touched my cheek with hers, breathed in my ear, "Check."

I pulled her closer through the thin fabric, and then let my hands fall down below her hips, down to the hem of her skirt until I was touching her thighs, her bare thighs, soft downy skin. And I began to raise my hands up beneath that skirt, wrapping my large hands around her ass, feeling, feeling. Higher. Delicious. Nothing.

She leaned back a little, I was looking down between our legs, at the little bit of fabric that covered her from me. Giving me space and wrapping both my hands around her ass I began to press my fingers up beneath, in between her legs, tipping my fingers into the crack of her ass. She felt so wet and I curled my fingers up through her front and then around, pressing her open and reaching right under her dress, cupped her cunt as she lifted herself up, sitting on her knees a little.

Her cheeks were glowing red, fire in her eyes. How it felt! It was an utterly singular moment. How deliciously decadent, and no one near us. This place filled with people, but we didn't care.

The risks, they were nothing.

We just kissed. Touched, stroked, squeezed, breathed. Warmth. I was rubbing the ends of my fingers up to her shoulder blades and back down to the small of her back, and then stealing touches beneath that little skirt - wicked girl, what she did to me.

"How can you be so wicked and look so innocent?" I whispered up to her. Looking deep into her.

"Pure thoughts," she smiled at me, rubbing me steadily as I began to meet her thrusts, dry humping in a bar. What were we doing? I had this vague worry, but then it passed. I kept thinking how I wanted to reach down and open my pants, fuck her right here, but had my hands wrapped around her bare bottom, was holding her against me. I didn't want to let her go. We kept kissing like this, silent soft kisses. Tonight.

I let my fingers press deeper into her, felt her bare pussy, how she was soaking me. The whole crotch of my pants was wet. I held my hand there and let her sit back down, cupping her pussy, pressing my fingers up into her opened her right up, impaled her with my fingers, feeling her legs spread wide over me, her low moan. Stretch her right out. She was flesh quivering against me, trembling against me, her hairs falling around my face. Her smell, our smell, steaming about us, lifting up on her knees, giving me access. I loved the way we smelled, how we tasted.

We said nothing at all.

She leaned back, opening her eyes as if from a sleep, swaying lightly and then looking at me, our eyes on the other, looking into each others eyes. She said, "Tomorrow you will say 'We shouldn't be doing this.'"

"No."

"But you will. S'allright."

"No, I...."

"Promise me then. Tonight. You'll do anything I want tonight?"

I nodded. Torturous thoughts in my mind. I nodded.

She started to raise herself back up, "We can't leave at the same time." I was reaching for her as she continued, "I'll leave first. Meet you at home."

She took her jacket and lay it across her arm, then stopped and fell into me, to kiss me one more time, leaning down, turning her head, opening her mouth wide and pressing herself hard into me. We kissed so passionately just then, like I would never see her again.

I let my hands stroke her, hold her to me, touching her bare thighs again as she stepped away my hands dropping off her.

I felt destitute, watching her leave. I vaguely felt this to be the high point, from which it all would end.

She, looking over her shoulder. Eyes aglow, smiling.

"See you! This little girl, needs to go to bed."

********************

When I got home the house was silent. I sat in the bar and had one more drink, I could smell her on my hands each time I lifted the red wine to my lips. The combination was incredible. I was hard again as I drank my last drink, hard as I rose from the table, and hard as I put the key in the lock at home. She was inside, I was trembling, could barely get my key in the door.

All the lights were out.

Silence, as I crept down the basement stairs, thinking, she is there already.

But she wasn't.

The room was empty. But my clock was there, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, this dim glow throughout the room, green/blue gray. It hued everything. I could see the mirror on the one wall, all my stuff on the dresser, brushes and combs. The bed shone white in the low light.

And I waited.

First, there was the slow opening of a door, then creaks on the steps. I opened my eyes, waiting, listening for her soft steps as she entered the room. Silence. I rolled over toward her. Looked at her in the near darkness. Could see! She was standing there in her red silk nightie, the one she wore down every night. It looked black in the low light. I could see the fabric touching down her legs, loose around her thighs. I could feel the thin fabric against her. She stood where she always did, by the edge of the bed. Her eyes were adjusting, and she met mine.

I said, "It's the clock. I bought a clock."

She looked at it, then me. "You can see me?"

I nodded, "That all right."

She nodded.

Her skin shone silver in the light, silver, a glow that seemed to emanate from her. I had placed the digital clock on a low stand against the wall, across from where I 'knew' she would be standing. Her hair was disheveled, a tangle fallen about her shoulders. Her lips were full. I watched her fingering the buttons down her front, three of them, undoing each one until this white line of her skin shone out from between the fabric, and quickly bringing her arms back slipping the top down her arms, her small breasts.

Small, no sagging, young, soft mounds, her hair touching down to her small nipples. And without pausing she tugged her bottoms down, no panties, she never wore panties just those two pieces of silk and most recently, always removing them before getting into bed. I reached out a hand, and took hers, we could see each other, we knew.

She kneeled on the bed and slid in next to me. "Hi." This long soft lilt, recognition, innocence, nervousness. We knew what we would do to the other tonight.

Her waist was impossibly small, her thighs and hips, that area between her pussy and hip wasn't the span of my hand; just this little triangle, a dark line rising from between her legs.

I felt the covers lift as she slipped beneath the sheet, and slid over to me. I felt her hip just touch me. I waited a moment. I wanted our time to last forever, the moment before....I lay on my back and simply looked at her, drinking her in, the feel of her skin against me as she lay there. As I turned toward her, could feel little wisps of her hair on my cheek. The smell of her, and then she was rolling over, facing me, and lifting her one leg up over mine. I caressed her hip and pulled her close.

She smiled, her teeth glowing white in the low light. She gave the tiniest kiss on my lips and then backing away looked close at me before turning her back to me, and scootching back, bumping me with her little butt.

"Just like we always do, right?" She said as she snuggled in. I could feel her arching herself, tipping her hip, back and back, knowing our bodies how we moved, perfectly tipping her hip back, lifting her ass and catching my cock right between her legs. I pushed my length between her legs, feeling her clamp her thighs around me, its wetness, and wrapping my arms around her I cradled her, and kissed her neck. Pushing my nose between her shoulder and her cheek. Breathed a little in her ear. She turned her cheek to me, giggles, "That tickles."

She was moving her hips, as I was kissing her neck, letting me slide between her legs, touching me with her fingers and pushing the head of my cock with her hand, more forceful this time. And, this time, I was letting her, could feel the tip of my cock press further than it ever had, felt her open, the flesh opening, sliding, wet, warm. Held myslef there.

I lowered myself a little, scootching down as she held herself for me, open, legs parting lightly. The tip of my cock settling right between her legs, could feel her cunny kissing down on me. We lay like that in the silence, her warmth, the sheet up over us. She did not move at all, I know this little game, and this time, this time, I played.

The slightest undulation, the smallest push, as I let the head of my cock press further inside. The pressure of her was exquisite. My heart pounding and as I listened to her sigh out, little squeaks of her breath, as I entered just this little bit at a time, only the head of cock, pausing, pumping in then out again. Back in. She was trembling the whole time.

I lay my hand on her hip, and rather than move, this time pulled her hip back, felt her slide on the mattress toward me. Another little inch....and another. I could hear her breaths, feel her heartbeat as I pressed myself to her, sliding inside, my hands on her pulling her down, my cock filling her as I pulled and pressed, her body yielding utterly. Letting me do whatever I wanted, until I was pushing my hips against her hard, and filling my little girl.

I was pressed in as far as I could from how we lay, and simply held myself to her, began kissing her shoulder blades, rubbing my palms down her back and up over her hips. Curling my fingers over her body as i filled her. Felt her, felt her on all sides of me, touching her, stroking her, leaning back as I lay there holding her there with my cock. Feeling her, all of her, combing her hair with my fingers, squeezing her breasts, teasing my fingers down her arms, down her legs. She lay like that with me, feeling me, moving herself ever so lightly, so that my cock slid out and then in again, not very far but enough so that our bodies were in motion, and we could feel the other - me inside. Feeling. sensing our touch. One. What we fought, this moment, this yielding. One. Her silver body in this light, was all.

I could suck on you, eat you, chew your clit, press my face between your legs. Kiss lines up your tummy, suck your nipples in my mouth, kiss you. You could suck me off till I came, and we could tangle ourselves, cover our bodies with kisses, touches, our breath, just like every other night. I could lay on you, you could sit up high on top of me, play with me in any way imaginable and I would let you. Except......

I could push my fingers up inside of you, draw these wondrous little circles until you are squirming around my hands and all I do is hold myself there and let you push and squeeze and rub yourself into my hand, feel you grinding yourself against me until you cum again and again and again. But still that hunger, wanting, desire would not leave us. It was inexorable, drawing us to tonight. To that itch that will not go away.

She began to squirm on my cock more intently, moving away, drawing her body on me in longer and longer strokes. I met each backward thrust until we were meeting each other. Bumping. I was pulling back until just my little tip was touching her again, and then that opening up of her flesh, yielding, popping back inside, wrapping my hands in front and holding my hand over her puss, and I began pushing her onto her belly. Felling her roll onto her her stomach, and lifting up, rising up above. Then pressing down, filling my little girl.

I loved the feel of her ass against my stomach, and she is pushing her ass up into the air, meeting my thrusts, pushing herself back against me. Her head is down on the pillow but her ass is up in the air and I am holding on, fucking my little girl, listening to her breath, her moans. Her elbows are up and she is pushing herself against me.

And then I drop out of her, and she is surprised, reaching around with her little ass. I am up above her looking at her, lay my hand on her, move her, she is moving however I want, I love the way she moves. I can tell she would do anything right now. I turn her around, and she lay with her arms around her head. I want to see her, see her eyes.

"Not like that....." I say. She was looking at me, wide eyed, confused. "Don't worry, I'm not done with you little girl."

She whispers, "mmmm, you better not be."

I begin to slide my fingers up inside her again kneeling beside her, and feel her open her legs wide, bring one knee up. I just want to feel how wet she is. Touch her. So hungry for her touch. So good, so wet and just slide my open hand over her, smearing us everywhere, up onto her belly, smear us on her skin wet and hot. She is soaking wet, and then she reaches her arms up to me, and I am pressing her back into the mattress, lifting my leg over her, laying on her, like we have done a million times. Rise up and lay against her, we touch our bellies together and look into the others eyes.

"Yeah......like this. I need to feel myself inside you," and we watch my cock touch up between her legs, both of us looking down between her legs. Her knees bent back, and held open. Her hair is everywhere, she looks dissolved, hungry, wild. And I press myself inside , my whole length, looking into her eyes as I settle into her. Their glaze as she tips her chin in the air, as she feels me inside. Feeling me enter her, looking up vaguely in my eyes, but filled with such pleasure she can scarcely see outside her body.

So slow, holding her to me, and then slide back out. My cock has this weight, I can feel the weight of my body filling her, each thrust, deeper, harder. We can see my shiny cock leave her body and then press back in. Her eyes are closed, I move slow, let her feel me enter deep and then slide back out. Her belly filling with me, our heat. I can feel her breath on my chest.

She is holding my arms and I lay myself down, and we simply touch our lips together and hold our mouths together. God I love to kiss her, and we touch our mouths as I rise and fall on her, watching her head bob upward as our sexes bump together and my cock lifts her a little on the bed.

This slow rhythm on the bed. She chews my lower lip again, knowing how I love that, holding on as I fill her, our sexes - bump, bump, bump. And we fuck. Gloriously fuck. Our bodies begin to move faster, we feel our hunger rise, urge the other on. Pressing against each other, she is grinding her pussy back up against me, with each thrust holding her legs open for me, lifting her knees. Oh it feels so good, so tight. Pressing in as deeply as I can, lay my head by her ear and simply breath, feel her hairs, her skin against me.