All Comments on 'You Never Know Ch. 02'

This was a real joy to read, in the end it even made me laugh quite a bit. The inclusion of the elder neighbour was really nicely done, the sexual part was expressed just enough to satisfy the needs, the socialising was mostly at the protagonists expense and it only made it so much more enjoyable. The sister-brother thing might need a bit of work as the here seems to be quite a reluctance from the brother for a long-term relationship that the sister wishes for. Maybe she can move in with him and the neighbour provides the cover for their relationship for a small fee of occasional hanky-panky?

Anyhow, it was a fun and quick read and hope for more soon.

Don't get me wrong, I liked your story line - it's a fun read.

- BUT -

About a quarter way down the first page when everyone was seated and the conversation was beginning - you wrote:

"Mrs. Kramer was on the closest side of the couch and when she crossed her legs, the slit revealed quite a few of her legs,"

How many legs did Mrs. Kramer have? Was she like an oct-o-pussy? (smiling)

I know it's just a typo but I couldn't resist having some fun with ya. Thanks for sharing your story....

RecHiker

This was a fun read and has the potential to become a great series. I would suggest you just do a little more proofreading to look for possible slip-ups like "few of her legs". I took it to mean "view of her legs", but little slips like that are easy to make and won't show up with a simple spell check. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Liking the story but just a quick word on colloquial words. You have used the word 'apps' which in todays world lingo means applications for phones, tablets etc. It took me a moment of continuing reading without a clue why the old duck from next door would provide smart phone apps (but then not being american perhaps this is a thanksgiving thing). This confusion has extended from chapt 1 where you used the same word with equal confusion to me. To make a short comment longer you did finally almost qualify it as a meal course, or I assume this is what it should be.

I also like that the old duck has many legs, perhaps she is a he in drag with three legs. Anyway back to that part of the story, and to repeat, I am enjoying the tale.

It'd be one thing if Mrs. Kramer had grudgingly accepted the invitation, then discovered over the course of the day that Chris wasn't the oaf she'd previously taken him for, making her receptive to his friendly overtures in the future, eventually culminating in something physical. But she underwent a sudden personality overhaul after merely being invited -- becoming ebullient and arguably flirty by midday -- when the previous months of neighborly gestures had left her somewhere between dismissive and outright contemptuous; by the end of the night she was ready to throw down with someone she'd had literally no use for when he showed up at her door that morning.

You have to actually work to justify characters changing in drastic ways instead of merely deciding "Oh, I want my protagonist to bang the ice queen next door, so she'll very quickly thaw out for some specious reason and they'll get to it."

The two stories need to merge and continue from where Mrs. Krammer left off.

Ch01 didn't particularly grab my attention, at the end of it I nearly didn't go for Ch02. But as I'm into older women I read and by the end I was a little concerned that you didn't know what your final target is.

Yes there are some mistakes but don't take the comments too much to heart, they are silly mistakes but fairly minor.

The story is quite well written and shows a lot of promise, overall I enjoyed by the time you put Donna to bed and left and when I got to the end you left me wanting to know what happens next, hopefully I'll catch it when it's published.

Author, Just finished reading all your stories in one sitting. Very entertaining material you have produced. With some, the reader is left hanging and in need of more! All aside, a very entertaining group of stories for which I thanked you with solid 5's throughout. jntiques

All brothers and sisters should experience such uninhibited sex.