All Comments on 'Waking up to the World Ch. 01'

If this is an on-going story, it has great potential. Not that it is bad as is, it just seems unfinished. I love the hard edged dirty, dark, gritty aspect. Very Blade Runner or Shadowrun--Cyber Punk--If you are familier with those. Looking forward to more.

There is a sort of "Blade Runner" feel to this, I am very interested in seeing where this one goes. Keep up the good work.

needs exposition, badly! Character development OK: Dad’s a non-conformist with access to some kind of black market; Little Sis is too young to know better, or remember “the old days,” and our narrator just wants to keep “under the radar.”

But it raises more questions than it answers: since eggs & chickens are rare, what would breakfast have been, and where would they have gotten it? Where do they go when they leave the shelter? Why is it closing; how did they get there; & where will they go when it closes?

If this future isn’t friendly, how did it get that way?

It could be the start of a real good story I think.

Keep it fuzzy and slightly 'out of reach' like with the egg.

Don't give to many explanations, let the reader create their own. You're near :)

Cheers

Yoron.