by Just Plain Bob
Oh, that's a good one. Didn't see the twist coming, either, even though you laid the groundwork right there in plain sight.
But a good story, nonetheless.
Shoot, wasn't until I read it the second time that I caught the twist, or did I? Now, a follow up on how he hooked up with Carol might be in order. Thanks for a good fun story
IMHO,that is. This was a grand slam for me. Thanks a lot!
Now that was a loving wife tale. Nice to see you can write without making someone the villian..lol
Five high Bob, thanks for the read. And no, I didn't see the twist...bit gobsmacked really...lol
Amanda
I know this is posted by someone posing as JPB, but come on dude, it can't be true?? LOL
Loved the story, even though it is a short version of another currently being posted here. Well, not exactly the same, but more or less along the same theme of the beautiful, popular girl falling for the loner geek guy. Turns out the geek has a few redeeming qualities, like brains, a sense of humor, etc. and maybe even a family that is grounded in reality. And the beautiful girl, turns out she has a heart after all.
I loved the story and it was nicely written, meaning it was not exactly a race to the finish over two pages. I just knew there was a hopeless romantic lurking in Bob's stories. If I just kept reading long enough??
Looking forward to the next one.
A sweet, well written and edited story. Complete and with a nice twist to the ending.
Thanks for the good read.
As I have always commented about your stories, technically well written and edited. They flow well, for an easy, enjoyable read. But recently the story lines were awful. Now, I hope that phase has been satisfied and you are back to the old JPB we had learned to love.
As I saw this one developing, I was afraid Mellisa would turn into an unbelievable jerk. As it turn out, you developed her into a thoroughly likable young lady, above average. Great job, that.
I hope you have satisfied that crazy streak. Welcome back!!!
What happened with Melissa? I'd like to know how it ended the way it did. There's another story in there somewhere.
Definitely a good story. The surprise ending with him being married to Carl instead of Melissa was a good one. Sequel? Not sure if it needs one or one could justify itself.
When you are good the story turns out great and this one is.
Thanks for the entertainment. Mike from Texas
by an excellent writer who chose an excellent story line.
Of course, we would have enjoyed a middle page showing how they developed to where they are.
Nice twist!
Very good story and the ending just completed it. After all fairy tales are just that...
agree. A well told, interesting, entertaining, and happy story. Great job. I do think that the ending was necessary in order to keep the story from becoming a forgetful cliche.
(SORRY FOR THIS....but...too means overly, not to; and well is the adverb, good is an adjective.)
I Especially like the fact that the car of his dreams was a Mustang,
I too would have liked to see how he ended up with Carol instead of Melissa. I guess instead of leaving the ending open and having everyone screaming at you to finish it, you decided to do something different and leave out the middle. But all in all it was a truly inspired piece. And I really liked it.
The Queen kissed a frog and he became her Prince. It's nice to read a story that is more about a true possibility in life than just sex. "Oh, Darling, save the last dance for me...."
Another great story from JPB, as usual a twist that you don't expect which just adds to the enjoyment.
JPB, this may well be one of the sweetest works you have ever produced. Frighteningly close to "real life", and regardless, a thoroughly entertaining short story.
JPB, I have read many of your posts over the years and this was one of the best. I liked the simplicity. Good Job!
JPB, you are as guilty as nine out of ten authors here when it comes to omitting necessary commas, setting off names and pronouns.
You wrote, "You are a frog no more my Prince."
You meant, "You are a frog no more, my Prince."
And misplacing the comma gives it a whole new meaning. "You are a frog, no more my Prince."
I know it is a nit, but omitting or putting a comma in the wrong place can give a sentence a whole new meaning, sometimes not intended.
As he is a prolific author, I like much of what JPB writes, dislike some, and am neutral on others. I have to say that I really liked this one enough to comment. The twist was nice, but the writing made it what it was. Great work.
I didn't see the twist coming. I don't care what the critics say, I read any story with your name on it. I discovered Lit in '09, and your submissions were the very first I read when I discovered LW. This story just proves that my loyalty pays off. Thanks for a great read.
What a great piece. I especially liked the ending and that the three girls remained friends. Well done by any measure,
I like to see that my favorite authors can write a story that doesn't turn into a nonstop orgy. Slirpuff occasionaly writes a really good non erotic story now and again as well. Very well done JPB.
WHAT DID I MISS. FROM LAST WALTZ WITH MELISSA TO GOING HOME LATER IN LIFE WITH CAROL. JPBs STORY AND PLOT WAS GOOD AND STAYED WITH PLAUSABILITY....THIS COULD BE ONE FOR MISSING CHAPTERS FOUND. TK U MLJ LV NV
ok that probably the Best romance, I've read in long long time.
that clearly a 10 out of 5... but 5 you'll have to take.
good characterization.
well thought out plot.
and nice happy ending.
that was clearly one of your top 10%
Please write another chapter/story to fill in the missing middle.
Thank you for a great story.
Thought I'd come back to see the reviews. Nothing out of place and all as expected, but I think Bob will have a devils own chance of making it up to the anon's of Lit, not to mention Harry...giggles
Thirty one comments on not one from Harry or anonymous????
then I realised that Bob has turned off all anonymous comments, naughty boy Bobby...roflmao
That doesn't let Harry off the hook though...wimp!!!
Although to be fair, not one of these comments were negetive in implication, so Anonymous would probably have trouble coming up with something at anyrate.
Amanda
JPB,
Great twist. I'm still scratching my head......
Thanks for sharing on Lit.
x
What a twist in the end, could do with another chapter to find out when he took up with Carol etc.
Nice to read a Romance from you for a change
Surprisingly good story from JPB. Pure fantasy ofcourse (doesn't every nerd want something like THAT happen to him?), and hey, it's allowed since it's fiction.
Like everybody else, I'm extremely curious as to how Bob ended up with Carol, AND remaining friends with Mellissa. I mean, if Mellissa had just dumped him, or hurt him, they probably wouldn't have been friends afterwards. Maybe they found out they weren't right for eachother, and Carol snapped him up? Who knows?
I think Harry missed this one because it's in Romance. I know I overlooked it, until for some reason I noticed the JPB name. Or Harry just hasn't been online yet.
Anyway, good story.
Well, Bob, its a decent fantasy but unless you are a lot older than your bio says, this was not the main music at Proms in the late 60s. I went to a number in the US and in Venezuela, where the latin dances were indeed still popular, but Waltzes?! (I think I went to about 4-5 proms, 2 in the US). Weddings, bar mitzvahs, and debutant balls might have still featured such music; and knowing such dances indeed helped me. In Venezuela in particular, dancing was a gateway to a good time. But Proms and teen dances would as likely end with the Rolling Stones or another band covering "The last time". Top songs included "I got you babe" or maybe "He's so fine" in the early 60s. If you were slightly older, rock & roll. In the 50s, yes, a cha cha cha and some Waltzes might have been included but jitterbug/swing was what everyone grooved to. Watch some old movies (even "Back to the Future").
In the past I've had trouble with JPB stories. This time I actually liked it. Except for the inclusion of the Mustang the story easily fit back in the era when I was in high school.
A well crafted story. Thanks.
Only you, Bob, could write a story that is relatively mild and really not that spectacular and still get such great reviews. Why? Because your stories are notoriously twisted, shocking, perverted, vindictive, asocial, amoral or just leave the readers hanging. Then you write this nice fairy tale about a high school princess and the dancing frog and all your readers' emotions are building higher and higher as they approach the end just waiting for some outlandish cruel plot twist that surely would involve the princess having frog legs for dinner but it never comes. Instead, the frog lives happily ever after and the crowd gives a sigh of relief but not left without a simple question. As the curtain closes the relieved readers with love in their hearts stand giving a thunderous ovation. Only you, Bob with your reputation could build suspense in a little romance story like this. Bravo Bravo! Well, maybe Alfred Hitchcock, back in the day, could get a similar reaction. But that leaves you in great company. Thanks Bob
Forget the wimps, and cuckolds. This is the stories you should be writing. How the underdog gets the girl, or the guy. I would have liked to see more of what happened after the prom. Sort of like "The Construction Phase" with the finale being "The Finished Project" with their children. Nevertheless, this is your genre jpb. Not cuckolds and wimps.
One of the best stories of yours that I have read. You need more like this one.
Glad you didn't dump him in the trash. Good twist at the end. How many kids? What happened to Mellissa and Bev?
I was scared. Stories like this either end up in total victory or utter annihilation. This ended in victory. Our hero got the girl, maybe not Melissa, but he got the right girl. I really enjoy Literotica, and I especially enjoy JPB. Thanks so much JPB; you're the best!
Nicely told and paced story with a nice conclusion. One of the better offerings in this genre. Thank you!!
A great story without the usual stupid husband who has a whore for a wife. More like this would be great.
Nice little twist at the end. It would be fun (but unexpected) to follow them after the prom, through college and into the present to see how things turned out this way. Great story Bob!
Nice tale. Others have mentioned the "twist at the end". It didn't ruin the story for me, but some explanation of how he went from dating and dancing with Melissa to
marrying and having kids with Carol might go a long way toward making the story
a little more palatable.
Just my opinion, of course.
There wasn't so big of a twist with him ending up with Carol, she was the one that warned him earlier that it wouldn't last with Mellissa.
She told him that she had realized what a great guy he was, so why wouldn't she decide she wanted him?
I think you already exhausted the creampie/slutwife/cuckold/cheating vein. You should definitely keep writing romance. A constructive critic, it needed a little more of work in the end.
3 characteristics of Just Plain Bob here. 1) Extremes in variety. Hey, he can write Romance as well as Loving Wives. 2) can't have an ordinary story -- got to have that twist at the end 3) likes to leave stories unfinished and us wondering. He almost made it with this one. But I was holding my breath to see who it would be at the end. Now I'm left wondering how it turned out to be Carol instead of Melissa.
Oh well, 5 stars.
Paul in Oklahoma
and a good one. Maybe a little over the top on your description of him but certainly a cinderella story in reverse.
Thanks.
Pretty obvious twist, and unfortunately lazy to boot, skipping over everything that lead to it, except for that heavy handed bit of foreshadowing that was his conversation with Carol.
A classic mistake of telling, instead of showing us how it ended with Melissa, and how he ended up with Carol instead.
I loved 99% of this story but I'll be honest, the ending ruined it for me. A twist just for the sake of a twist is lazy writing. As Anon said earlier, nothing was shown of any relationship between Robert and Carol besides her warning to him that Mellissa would hurt him; not even a mention of them having some kind of chemistry between them when they danced at the prom. Why not simply allow that the Queen and the Commoner could have made a life together when all indications were that they were compatible in just about every way? To just say they didn't without ever showing anything of why smacks of spite and feels incredibly forced. JPB didn't show us why they didn't stay in their relationship, he just told us they didn't for basically no reason and hooked him up with Carol. This isn't clever, it's lazy and essentially thumbing his nose at the romantics who like to believe that such a disparate pairing could work. As I said earlier, a twist just for the sake of having a twist and not well done at all. What a shame.
Nitpic, because some things are better left to the reader’s imagination.
This story *REALLY* looks like the genesis for Suitable Substitute by Steven Mathison.