All Comments on 'Michelle and Jimmy'

Spelling mistakes and the question of why write it? It was hurried and the punch line was as bad as the lack of erotica.

This was weak as water.

Didn't see that one coming at all.

not worth commenting...

runing out of ZEROES!

Poorly executed twist.

If it requires more than one (1) read to understand the what then the writer didn't do their job - or the reader just didn't care.

Here in the interchangeable name game whoose on second and whooose out - clarity should matter even if its after the fact.

I have read the last 4 paragraphs over and over and I still have no idea who is fucking who, who is screaming at who, and who is running out the door. What a disaster!

The author lays no groundwork for the hubby's infidelity. In fact, given what JPB said about him, the conclusion to the story is very improbable. It's bad fiction because the characters don't act in ways that are consonant with what the author has told us and shown us about them.

<P>

Sorry, Bob. You blew it on this one.

whom was doing what to whom?

You have this guy totally in Love with her and risking their union with her past indiscretions. You must be exhausred, no sleep, no common sense, this isn't even a dumb twist of evemts. Ridiculous reading, shame on you!!!

I gave you a fifty, only brcause the story flowed with some interest. You should remove it from Literotica, it's a blemish on your usual writing skills.

She's supposed to be the easy slut and he ends up breaking the marriage. She probably had to work very hard to repress her easy nature for him and remain faithful. Some payback. This reminds me of "Pride comes before the fall". He should have been watching his own behavior rather than worrying about hers. I liked it.

Jimmy is the cheater and Michelle is the faithful wife.

Nice twist on the theme!

I gave it a 1 because I couldn't figure out the ending even after reading it 3 times.

He's at most Friday Happy Hours. He listens to the jocks, the stories, fantasizes about the thrills of strange sex and conquests, fancies himself a man and TOTALLY fucks up the best thing that ever happened to him.

Now his Friday night jock friends will get to have a piece of what once was very special to him...Loser!!!

Thanks JPB, you do twist some good ones!!!

the proof is in the pudding and Marry_er Beware TK U MLJ LV NV

He was cheating on Michelle.

He was the cheating jerkoff skank prick husband. Fucking asshole. All cheaters should suffer in pain.

Well, we really don't know if the wife was also cheating. They were both sluts.

I get the twisted, surprise ending - he's the cheater. But where did that come from? He's pining away for her, waits for her for years, gets her and then HE cheats? Sorry, that was just too big a turn around. BAH!

So why? Who's the asshole or are they both? Didn't get it!

Is the rest of this missing ?

We go from him suspecting her on some pretty solid signs to suddenly he cheats.

Definitely not one of JPBs good stories.

I don't understand the ending. He supposedly caught her and yet you put that she said how could you?

strange

You misread the story ending! His wife isn't cheating. HE IS CHEATING! Jimmy is the cheater in this story, not Michelle. Interesting twist Bob. At least this one was funny.

this must be the only one of your stories where the whore isnt fucking a nigger/niggers .

so aids is unlikely .

Pretty ho-hum story until the last paragraph.

Leaving certain loose ends or making some clues nearly inscrutable can be part of a good story. However,it can also be fatal to the story, as in this case.

It took several readings of the ending to recognize what the comments confirmed. This would not be bad if, once recognized, things fell into place clearly. But they fell muddled. The main reason is that the whole story story is told first person ("I" is first person; "he" is third person; "you" is second person), but then the ending is in third person. To be consistent with the rest of the story, the response of the male cheater should read, "Confused I turned and looked where she was looking, my eyes got big and the color drained from my face as I saw Michelle....". To me, this inexcusable switcheroo in person viewpoint ruined the ending.

The next problem comes with Jimmy wondering over the sexy bra and panty sets. By this clue the writer could be telling us that Michelle cheated, which would fit with his other clue of her not answering Jimmy's late-night calls. In that case, she was being a hypocrite to leave Jimmy, since she is guilty of the same thing. Also, in that case, we are due hearing about the confrontation. Alternately, Jimmy could have misconstrued the two clues (sexy panties and unanswered calls) to mean Michelle cheated when she did not. In that case, he was foolish to have a revenge fuck on so little evidence. And we are due hearing about the confrontation. The problem is that the reader is given a game of Clue without sufficient clues to finish the game. We are left like Jimmy holding the sexy panty -- wondering. Still another alternative is that Jimmy's cheating had nothing to do with Michelle' behavior. This is totally inconsistent with the Jimmy of this story, so if it's the writer's intention, makes it a clearly screwed up 1 star story.

There's just not enough there to make it a good story. So it's a bad story.

Another alternative is that the writer told this story to toy with and confuse his readers. Which also makes it a bad story.

It's a bad story.

Paul in Oklahoma

As someone else said, a little bit loose of an ending. Could have been 2-3 more paragraphs to tidy it up. But clever/surprise ending.

4-stars

Nice twist... which still ultimately hurt the overall story.

Leading your readers to believe that the wife will be unfaithful to then make the MC the one who cheated would have worked if it didn't come out of nowhere - if we knew that Jimmy was sort of a douchebag, we could buy that he would throw away the love of his life for a piece of ass. Dude couldn't think couldn't think about any other chicks, but her, for most of his life, but we're supposed to buy that, all of a sudden, he would fuck around on her in his own bed?

Plus, what with all those red herrings, during the marriage? Did she cheated during her own trip or not?

No doubt, the whole point of the flash was to give us the twist, but the execution was so poor, it makes the whole of the story worthless.

Not your best Bob, JPB.

Confused by the ending.

I wasn't expecting that, it came out of.nowhere. But that's Bob for you.

Hope he suffers big time.

Even if she was slutting around, which is alluded to from the nights out, the sexy underwear, he didn't have anything but suspicion and it may just be as she said, she loves to tease. Not my idea of a partner, but it takes all types.

But betraying the one person you are meant to love so much that you'd die for them, is... just... unforgivable. Especially when it's meant to be the same situation for your partner as well.

In his case, his betrayal is even worse, if she truly had reformed her own previous life and her moral code in order to stand by her man and her vows.

His cheating was so out of character as written in the story it didn't sit well in the story. Did she cheat and was this his revenge? We'll never know.

Lazy writing. Poorly executed ending. Not worth submitting.

The first mistake was writing this in first person, then it just fell apart. Having read a lot of JPB, the ideas are there in some of his stories, but the execution is lacking. At least his obsession with the big dick myths was absent from this one. That's worth a star.

Maybe not the best JPB story, but the twist was fun.

You are a horseshit scribbler and this story is the worst! Stop trying to assemble words into a story, you don't have a clu.

Swing, and a miss.

Wow! Lots of hate in the comments. He was convinced she was cheating and possibly so. He did in return and got caught. There's a lesson or two in there.

Meeh

I had to read the last half of the story a few times in order to figure our who is cheating on whom. Everything always lead to Michelle's past and probable future to be similar. Not likely that Jimmy will take a chance on blowing their marriage by infidelity.

Commenters miss the point of the twist. Despite circumstantial evidence to thr contrary, Michelle was not cheating. This is seen by her vehement response and his final line of the story. Nice twist.

Definitely one for JPB's books.

Una puta mierda de historia..... el niño que estaba tan enamorado de la zorra, ahora resulta que al final se tira a la mujer de otro y el le pone los cuernos a la zorra?????? vete a la mierda con tu puta historia.

Totaly lost by the ending.