Love Lost, Love Found

AVA

Ava jumped off the toilet seat and lunged for the door, stumbling, nearly falling as she yanked up her underwear and pants. She flung the door open and dashed out, not even noticing it slam against the wall knocking a hole in the wallboard.

"Mom! MAAAAHM! Where are you?" She pitched herself down the stairs. "Maaahm?"

"What is it, Dear. What the heck is going on?"

She held up the small plastic thing in her hand. "I'm pregnant! I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!" Tears of happiness filled her eyes as she embraced her mother.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Ava! That's incredible! I'm so happy for you. We need to get Kyle on the phone and let him know."

"No! No. I'm going to leave right now and drive home and surprise him. We've been trying for months. He's going to be so happy! I want to see the look on his face when I tell him. Oh, I just can't wait. Oh, Mom, I'm sorry. I know I was going to stay for the weekend and see all your friends tonight. But I have to go!"

"Of course you have to go. Let me help you gather your stuff so you don't forget anything. And don't drive like a maniac! Remember, you've got someone else to watch out for now."

"You're right! Dang, I am so excited! Kyle is just going to crap himself! If I leave now I should be home by seven." She seized her mom and clinched her tight to herself. "Mom, I love you! Thank you for always being there for me. I'll keep you posted."

Three hours later she pulled into the drive of their tiny starter house. Great! His car was there so she wouldn't have to track him down. But what if he went out with friends? She left her suitcase in the car, ran up the steps to the doorway and quietly entered. She wanted to surprise him.

The lights were on as she crossed the living room. No Kyle. She stopped. Why would he have two glasses of wine on the table? Not in the bathroom...she stepped quietly down the hall to the bedroom clutching her pregnancy test. Maybe he's not feeling well. She stepped into the bedroom and though the lights were off she saw her husband lying face down on the bed, his buttocks naked. Panic filled her. Maybe he's...But then she noted that he was moving up and down and from the rhythm she could tell he was approaching his orgasm.

The features of her face transformed from panic and concern to shock, horror, grief. She took a step towards the head of the bed and let out an agony filled moan as she recognized the woman underneath. In nearly a whisper, "Emily?"

The woman under Kyle swung her head to the right and was pierced to her soul by the look on her friend's face and let out a pain filled scream. "Noooo! Ava! Ava, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Kyle! Get off me! Get off me!"

They stared at each other. Life long friends. Since kindergarten. Kyle rolled onto his side and just looked on. Emily jumped out of bed, sobbing. "Ava. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She held her arms to the sides hoping for some signs of understanding of...of anything other than the horror on Ava's face which was now being replaced by anguish and grief.

Ava turned and ran to the cupboard grabbed a couple of garbage bags, then back to the dresser and started stuffing in clothes. Then the bathroom. Just shoveling things into the bags. Not caring if they broke or not. Emily looked for her clothes, a tee shirt, anything to hide her nakedness. She felt so ashamed so dirty. "Ava, please, let me explain. I don't know how it happened. I don't know why I let it happen. Please! Let me talk to you!"

"What's there to talk about, Emily." Both were crying, feeling alone, needing each other's comfort. Both feeling the torment of the painful emotions.

"I never thought..."

"Never thought what? How did you think it was going to end, Emily? What did you think was going to friggin' happen?" Shaking her head in disbelief as she packed, anguish still clearly contorting her features, then in almost a whimper, "You thought we would all be some big happy family or something? I don't know which hurts worse! The fact that my husband of two years cheated on me or that YOU, my best friend for over twenty years, you would do this to me. How long?" Between sobs, "How long!"

Emily shrugged, "About six months?"

"Six months! So you and Kyle...Six months and I never knew? Never suspected? Six months and all the things you and I did together and you were stealing my husband?" She looked bewildered. "He spent twenty-five percent of our marriage with you! How dumb am I?" She mopped her cheeks with her sleeves, "But today? Today of all days. My special day. One of the happiest days of my life!" Looking skyward, "Why?"

In minutes she was out the door, dragging two bags and an arm full of clothes. Into the car they went, angrily thrown onto the back seat. They slid off the seat onto the floor of the car and formed a messy heap. The heap was just like her life, she thought, a mess. The difference was she was being ripped apart, shredded by what had just happened, not just thrown into a heap. She roared out of the drive and then remembered the baby and slowed down. She stopped, pulled out her phone, blocked their numbers and shut it off. Onto the interstate headed back to her mother's.

As the door to the house closed, Kyle got out of the bed and hugged Emily from behind as she stood staring at the door, her right hand still reaching towards her friend who was gone. Gone in every way possible. "It'll be fine, Emily. She'll be fine. We were essentially separated and getting a divorce. We have an understanding. These things just happen."

She turned around and clutched him to herself. "Oh, Kyle. What have I done? How DID I think it was going to end?" She sobbed onto his shoulder.

"Come on. Let's sit on the couch for a bit and let it out."

Three hours later she pulled off the interstate and drove past the gas stations, fast marts and fast food outlets; past the three auto supply chain stores and multiple tire shops; and into town. Her town. The town she grew up in. The town she loved. She knew every corner of it and made the full loop of the square in the center of town. The square that was home to the Santa Village at Christmas and now decked out with Spring flowers.

It was getting late, but couples still walked hand in hand or snuggled on benches. While usually comforting, now it caused the knife to twist again in her heart and her back. Tears started falling anew. Four roads met at the square. Very different roads from very different parts of town. She loved them all. Each offered different opportunities, different neighborhoods, different people, but she chose the one that headed to her mother's house. The real home within her home town. Maybe there she could make sense of it all, stop the pain that was ripping her apart.

She dragged her bags up the red brick steps that matched the red brick walls of the house, between the tapered white wooden columns supported on waist high brick stands that supported the porch and opened the door, not bothering to knock. She was glad it was still unlocked, mom always forgot, and into the living room she stumbled like a small child dragging her blanket. And like that child she collapsed to her knees and gave out a cry of anguish, "Maaaahm!"

Her mom came out of the bedroom not even bothering with her house coat. Dropping to her knees and embracing her. Enfolding her daughter to herself, "Ava! What on earth! Are you okay. Did you have an accident? He didn't like the news? What is going on?"

In almost a wail, "When I walked in the door, he...he was on top of her!"

"On top of who, Hon?"

"He was screwing Emily!"

"What! Oh, dear God. No way. Oh, dear. I just can't believe...Are you su...of course you're sure. Here, just cry it out, Ava. We'll figure out next steps tomorrow." She continued to enfold her and later steered her to her old bedroom, still filled with the mementoes of childhood and college, where she fell asleep, in her old bed. Also a place of comfort and solace. Her mom covered her with the quilt she had made for her years ago and Ava closed her eyes and slept, exhausted, but awakened by the scene, over and over. Emily! Why Emily?

Seven months later Ava was dressed in a loose black dress, the only one she could find that would fit over her enormously swollen abdomen, 'Guess you're gonna carry the baby all out front like I did,' her mom had said to her and parked in the back of the church lot where hopefully no one would recognize her. She still couldn't believe that she'd gotten an invitation to Emily's wedding. What the hell! Was this to rub it in her face? But why had she come? Maybe she should just leave.

She waited until the last possible moment, when every one else had entered the church, drove to the front of the lot and waddled into the church. She knew the layout, Kyle and she had always gone to this one, entered a side door and plunked down in the last pew all the way on the side next to the aisle. She kept her head down, a large bonnet with her blond hair stuffed up into it, praying no one would recognize her.

She was curious. Why WAS she invited? She glanced up. Kyle and his best man, James, the same best man as at their wedding, stood in the front up on the platform waiting. Pretty good turnout. Groom's on the right with his folks and his brothers. Bride's guests on the left. Emily's mom looked so happy. Beaming. What a great dress.

The music started and she glanced up again. Emily escorted down the center isle by her dad, behind a flower girl and a ring bearer, cute kids, Ava thought. Emily looked fabulous. Alive, radiant, and the same dress she had tried on when she helped Ava find a dress. It looked perfect for her and perfect on her.

George dropped her off, kissed her and took a seat next to his wife. Emily's dad mopped his eyes and Ava smiled to herself. Such a nice person. Emily was lucky, Ava's own dad had bailed when she was six. She hadn't seen him since that night. Iris and Henry were like a second set of parents to her. What did they think of all this? Their daughter stealing her best friend's husband.

Despite it all, she missed Emily. They had never gone this long without seeing each other and being together since they were four or five or so. As she looked at the maid of honor and sadly shook her head. That was supposed to be me, she thought. They had discussed it for years. This girl looked like her cousin from Georgia.

"...And so, Emily and Kyle, we have now come to the part of the ceremony where you both are going to make your vows and some promises to each other. I understand you've written your own. Emily..."

"Thank you, Reverend," She got teary eyed. "Kyle," laughing, "I'll confess that when I first met you I wasn't, well, I wasn't interested at all. But you brought me flowers and little gifts, which led to lunches, and then dinners..." Ava became aware that an anger and a fury was building up in her. "And thennnn..." and she laughed again. "Well, anyway..." There were chuckles from the audience. "and then before I knew it I was madly in love with you and knew we were destined to be together forever. I will..."

Without a thought, Ava stood, face burning red and took off her hat, her hair falling onto her shoulders and down her back and spoke loudly in the small church, "Sorry to interrupt, folks." All heads spun towards the rear of the church. All color drained from Emily's face and Kyle looked apprehensive. Emily's mom, Iris, just stared. Her dad went to get up, but Iris put a hand on his arm to stop him.

"I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone or something. You all are sitting here ooohing and aaahing like this is some storybook romance. Straight out of a fairy tale or something. What Ava's leaving out of the story was that Kyle was a married man. Married to her best friend. The friend who trusted her more than any person in the world and loved her more than any sister could. A stupid, unaware friend who found out that the two of them had been doing the 'and thens' for six months before she caught her. Caught her in HER HOUSE, in HER BED, with HER HUSBAND. The man she loved and thought SHE would spend the rest of HER life with."

She felt a strong, cramping pain in her lower belly. She groaned and bent over. No! No! Not now! Not here! The pain built and suddenly fluid poured from between her legs. She gasped. "God, why?"

Emily stared, realization and grief filling her. In a voice just above a whisper, "My, God. Ava, you're pregnant!"

"Yup, I am. What do you think, Kyle? And now it appears that my water has broken and I'm going into labor. Thank you, Lord. The hits keep rolling in, as they say. And that adds more juice to the story folks. I was at my mom's when I found out I was pregnant and rushed home to surprise my dear husband with the good news. Guess it was me that got the surprise." She chuckled to herself and shook her head.

"Thanks for the invite, Emily. I guess that was to rub my face in it? Get married a month after my divorce, a divorce that you caused, became final? I hope you both have a very happy, fruitful and wonderful life. Make the most of it because in the end there will be a very, very special place in hell for the two for you. Sorry, Reverend. Sorry folks, I apologize for putting a damper on this joyous occasion. This is not what I had intended. Hormones, I guess." She groaned and doubled over again. Damn, too close together.

Several women rushed to her aid. "No, no, I'm fine, thank you, thank you very much for your help, but I can manage. Sorry about the mess." She looked at the puddle and her face twisted in surprise, "I guess I never thought there would be that much. I hadn't intended that either." She had tears streaming from her eyes and looked up and locked eyes with Emily's mom who was also crying. Iris mouthed, "I'm sorry. I didn't know," and sadly shook her head. Her dad just looked confused.

Ava put a hand to her heart, "I'm sorry too." Was she lying? How could Iris not have known? How could none of those people know?

She waddled to the side door, out to her car and headed to the ER hoping she could get there before the next contraction hit. Perfect, she thought, too far to drive home, so don't know the doctor, don't know the hospital, don't have my emergency bag. Just another ED drop in.

"Mom? I'm in Hopewell. I'll...I'll explain later. I'm in labor. My water broke. I'm headed to the emergency room. Unless I'm completely wrong about this, it's time for us to meet our new baby."

Taking a deep breath and trying to calm herself, "Could you grab my emergency bag and my bathroom stuff and head this way? And this time, YOU drive carefully. There's no rush. You know how long these first deliveries are supposed to take. Tell you what! If this is just the warm up, I'm not really looking forward to that final push. But I am so excited, I'm about to burst. No, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'll tell you all about it when you get here. You'll be ashamed of me. Can't talk, Mom!" She groaned again. "Gotta go! Love you, Mom."

As she drove to the hospital she thought back to her performance. Shameful. Her mom was going to be disappointed. Never should have gone to the wedding, but then she slammed on the breaks and stopped "That dick head! What an ass!" She had been reviewing Emily's vows and suddenly realized...if they had been doing the 'and then' for six months, Kyle must have been working on her for six months or longer before that. Emily recounted a classic tale of seduction in her vow that must have started their first year of marriage.

A horn blew behind her, she started moving again, but somehow she felt a little better as the major portion of blame shifted from Emily to Kyle. "A year! It went on for a year at least. Why didn't Emily tell me when it started? But it went on for a year and I never suspected a thing. How stupid am I?" NEVER! NEVER EVER AGAIN!

Pain and cramping seized her again and she had to pull over until it passed. "Concentrate, Ava, or you're going to have your baby in the car."

Five years later she was parked in the back of the parking lot again. Same church, wearing black, waiting until the last possible moment. She glanced in the mirror-- eyes red, swollen, puffy from all the tears she'd shed the last few days. Iris was dead. Died suddenly in her sleep. Irregular heart beat or who knows what? She was still so young, so vigorous and had been like a second mother for her since kindergarten.

Emily would be there. She hadn't seen or talked to her or really even talked about her since the wedding. The thought of seeing her scared her to death, but she owed it to Iris. Owed it to her to come to the viewing and to see if she could patch things up with Emily. That had always been Iris's wish. Almost a demand.

How many times had Iris said, 'Please! Please! Make the first move. You two need each other. I can see it in your faces. Something is missing in your lives and it's each other. You're the stronger one and will have to make the first move.' Had she known or suspected something was going to happen to her?

In any event, it had to be done. And, well, Henry would be there to calm things down if Emily went...well, to be honest, she had no idea what Emily's response might be.

She gathered herself together and walked through the front doors of the church, the same church where the wedding had been, and there was Emily. Busily greeting well wishers as they exchanged condolences and cherished memories. Beautiful. As beautiful as ever. Her long black hair tucked up, but her radiance was missing. That glow she always seemed to have wasn't there.

Ava realized that, once again, that she was full of holes, emptiness. The hole for Kyle had rapidly filled in with the coming of Rose. Now a big empty spot for Iris. A piece of her life was missing. But that was nothing compared to the big, ragged hole where Emily used to be.

Emily glanced up, spotted Ava, and froze in mid sentence. The folks she was talking to swiveled their heads, noted Ava, patted Emily's arm and moved away, clearing a path for Ava. They all knew the story. Ava walked slowly, hesitantly to the front--not knowing what to expect or what exactly to say next--and stopped a few feet from Emily. They stared at each other, not knowing where to start or how the other felt. Both expecting the worst.

Emily finally said, "How did you know?"

"Your dad called to let me know. Where is he? I need to see him."

"He didn't come. Couldn't do it."

Ava nodded, understanding, then started to shake and tears streamed down her face. "Emily I am so sorry about your mother. I miss her so much. She has been so good to me. It just hurts...I...I feel so empty." The pain, grief, sense of loss, the awareness of what could have been, should have been stabbed through her, filled her, but it wasn't for Iris, it was for her lost friend. She'd been able to bury the feeling for years, but with Emily standing inches from her...

Taking a deep breath and mopping her face with her sleeve, "And I'm sorry for what I did at your wedding. It was awful. Unforgivable. I should never have gone to it. I ruined your special day. I should have have said all that before the wedding or not at all. I don't know why I even went. I never intended to say a thing...

"But...I miss YOU, Emily. YOU! Is there any way, any way you can forgive me? There's just something missing in my life. I have a huge empty place where you used to be. Right next to the one for your mother. It was your mother's greatest wish...and mine too that we patch things up. Well, at least a little. And I'll be alright with Kyle too. Promise. I'll be nice, won't say a word. Where is..."

Emily looked more and more confused, stunned, as Ava spoke, then lunged forward and hugged her. They held each other, wetting each other's shoulder. Maintaining her grip, Emily said in a quiet voice. "Ava. I'm the one that needs to apologize. Not you! I'm the one who had the affair, ruined your marriage. I'm the one that betrayed my best friend, lifelong friend. It's all on me! You need to forgive ME! It's been eating me alive for five years, but I was so afraid. I never even discussed it with my mom. Please forgive me, Ava. Please! I can't go on feeling this way. And I miss you. God, I've missed you so much!