All Comments on 'Gangsta's Paradise'

Chloe Spillane Tzang. How can I possibly read 52 pages of your latest epic on my phone??? Yeah, maybe I should have started Friday afternoon and kept at it all weekend?? Love your work and I realize you spent 3 Years writing this so I will definitely give it a read... later.

@nighthawk22204, kkkkk, just like me: one page at a time. Starting now.

52 pages! I will tell my boss that I'm not going to work tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after. And... Maybe I should just give you 5 stars already, trusting that it will be another amazing work.

Wow! What a ride. Definitely noir. Very evil as I had to keep reading to the end. You writing is delightfully twisted. Thank you.

OOF...no rating coming soon, as I'll need about 18 days to read this. You had to have written on it for a LONG time!

superb erotic litterature as usual with Chloe....

You covered/captured the genre essentials, including the femme fatale — beautiful, mysterious, seductive, and dangerous, and in the case of Miss Kwon hardly righteous. All done in singular Chloe Zhang style, which I find so attractive. When I saw length, thought — wow, but you do sometimes stretch storylines, so jumped into this noir piece and initially accepted repetition as part/parcel of genre. Loved character development all around (MC and others), scenes/setting disturbing/bizarre but expected, and outcome not surprising. Three negative aspects/elements detracted/undermined strength of piece: The length. You warned us, but could have shortened significantly — great deal of unnecessary repetition (lines, paragraphs, character characterization). Second, how you depicted some of your “captive/slave” women as into the non-consent sex; yes, your story but inconsistent with the harsh reality you are trying to share. Third the political diatribe — unnecessary viz. the storyline. George Soros ???, defund police, blame Democrats, slam diversity hires, liberal left wing stuff and Dylan Mulvaney (seriously?) to name just a few. Watching too much Fox or maybe tongue in cheek humor, but didn’t come off that way. Not interested in talking social politics; felt out of place/unnecessary.

This was a good read, at times a great read. But it went longer than it should have, and was too repetitive throughout, even for a Spillane-esque work. The continuity throughout was outstanding with few inconsistencies (white sheets-black sheets) and was an easy, though sometimes tiring, read. I give it a solid five stars and will be making a point of reading your other stuff.

Dificult to unwrap at first but developed well and became quite adictive.

Tremendous story. Worked for me 5 times by the end. Completely sick and fucked up.

I thought that Mal was kind of a stand in for the reader - the way she detested what she witnessed (usually on video) while also getting off on it. Not sure if that was intentional.

Very hard boiled and faithful to genre conventions.

You're an outstanding craftsman and write far better than most writers on the best seller list.

Also, I'm familiar with your politics (most readers here should be by now). I don't necessarily share all of them but you should continue with the political subtext. One, it's hilarious and adds a lot of color to the story, and 2, readers should know what you write isn't the same as what you believe. And a vigilante type like in this story isn't likely to be hold sentimental, liberal beliefs.

I hope Ms tzang I can add a few criticisms as well without being turned into dog food. Some of the story is quite wordy for this style and could be pared bank. I skimmed a fair amount of it, and not just to get to the sex scenes. I love Elmore Leonard for the economy of his writing, so I may be biased. He's also well known for his rules of writing, one of which is, "I try to leave out the parts readers skip."

Anyway, thanks for providing us all with such brilliant writing that you can also jerk off to.

Jeff Douglas

Love your style especially that you avoid cliches and come up with creative descriptions. A certain amount of rumination and obsession on the part of the main character adds to the story but this was WAY too much. I had to stop at about page 30. But you’re still on my favorite author list!

Thx everyone for the comments - These are great and I'm taking some of these to heart - especially the economy of wording, given it's Noir especially, and that terse to the point wording is a part of that. I was pushing the deadline and I actually cut 35k words at the last minute to tighten it up. I had a few more sex scenes that I wiped because no time. And re-reading, I'd like to add those back in but tighten and abbreviate the existing story where it needs it and where it drags. And yeah, those sheets! Drat!

Also, the sex was originally way darker and more violent, the drug thing with Johan was an add-in to lighten it up a bit but looking it over, I'd like to rework some of those sex scenes, maybe with one of the other girls, to be a lot darker and more violent, which would probably fit better. There was actually meant to be a bit more Akiko/Johan sex in there, and there was supposed to be one scene where Johan and Mallory got it on with one of Johan's new girls, but those weren't finished and I ended up cutting them. The intent there was to show Mallory's slow fade across to the darker side, but at the same time show here as becoming ever more ruthless. But never mind, I was pretty pleased with it myself in the end regardless.

Another great read, difficult in some parts to get deep into the violence and dark characters but you certainly have a way with words and stories.

Cheers, Terry

I could've gone out. Could've gone to one of the clubs I hung out in when I had the time, knocked back a few shots, looked around for someone I'd like to pick up or be picked up by. Didn't feel like it. Been there too many times looking for something I hadn't found in a long while, 'n these days, those casual pickups weren't doing anything for me.

Besides, I'd been working too hard lately, burning the midnight oil, chasing dead end leads down blind back-alleys that led me nowhere. Until today, at least, and today hadn't been what you'd call a good day at all. Bit of a fuckin' disappointment actually.

*****************

I could have gone out. Out to one of the clubs I hung out in and knocked back a few shots and looked around for someone to pick up or be picked up by. I didn't feel like it. I'd been there too many times looking for something I hadn't found in a long time, and casual pickups weren't doing anything for me these days.

I'd been working too hard chasing dead end leads down blind back-alleys that led nowhere. Until today and today hadn't been what you'd call a good day. Bit of a fuckin' disappointment actually.

***********

Yours is still better but it could stand to lose the extra words which I thought it might be fun to try myself. I guess I don't like commas either. (I'm an editor which means my only talent is the ability to criticize)

Jeff

Chloe, great story always a pleasure to read your work.

Clyde

Chloe

Please don't be dismayed by the low score, I think its length has scared some people off.

You are probably the most talented, and without a doubt, the classiest author on the site.

Hmmmm, liked the plot, loved Mallory, loved how she dispatched others and the violence, but it's too long only because as others have said, it's too repetitive, not so the story itself is too long, just your writing at times - and how I wish it was darker and more evil because yes, the sex scenes as always were beyond great but they were kinda sweet far too often and would procured girls be treated so nicely? I think not!

much too repetetive

This was an exercise in juxtaposition. "I should save this hot Asian schoolgirl from being a sex slave" versus " I soo wanna facefuck that hot Asian schoolgirl ...."

Thank you Chloe 🫰

Great story and well written. 5 Stars. It maybe should have been in pieces or as a novella as it is long

I agree with all comments about what a good writer you are; those of us who have read your pieces really appreciate your work. The length itself is not a problem . . . I read this through in one afternoon, as I did with some of your other longer work. But did I skim a bit? Well yes. It occurrs to me in some sections that they way Mal reports the same thoughts, or almost the same thoughts, over and over in almost the same words is actually closer than most fiction to the way our minds work, how my mind works. Spinning. As an artist--clearly you are an artist--I wonder if you are or are not being intentionally repetitive . . . so I don't want to say it should change. I just note that, as for some others, the repetitiveness is the challenge that led me to skim at times.

Ohhhh the repetitiveness is one of the things I need to correct. I tend to write how I think, and you know how things go thru your mind again and again - I try to reflect that in the way my characters think but on the other hand, it does tend to make one want to skim over bits. I'm thinking I might do a second version of this and edit it rather stringently to take out that repetitiveness and also to make the sex a lot darker in places to fit the story better.

Another great story Chloe, keep up the good work.

No, Chloe, do not rewrite it.. you are simply the best writer in the world when you describe sex scenes from a female perspective.. please go back to that and add the "darker" parts from the girl's mind

Brava! Superior piece of work! Thank you so much for your efforts.

Wow.. take out some of the porn elements and you’d have the makings of a seriously badass female antihero movie here. Wow.

As always a good story. A little slow and repetitive at the beginning but what it developed into was FANTASTIC!! Can’t wait for a seqyfor this. I can see many possibilities!

Thank you Chloe

Having read everything you have posted here on Literotica,this one is in the top 5.

Glad you wrote enough length to develop the characters.

The story about Old Shanghai remains my favorite.

Visited there a couple of years ago - highlight was the Bund.

If ever there is time travel, we agreed that would be a time and place.....

I don't think noir could get darker than this, despite the dare I say happy ending. Five stars.

Another awesome story, Chloe. The repetitiveness I took as you mentioned, it's how Mal is thinking. 5 stars.