From the Mouth of Babes

I'd guess there aren't too many marriages end by a seven-year-old watching you trying to decide which tie to wear, but that is how my marriage to Stel went to shit

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I met Marion Estella Burns during my senior year in college. She wasn't a fellow student; she was a waitress at an off-campus pizza place my friends and I frequented once every two weeks or so.

George, Sam, Mike and I stopped in on Stel's second day on the job. It was pretty corny of me, but when Stel (she let us know right away that she preferred Stel to Stella or Estella) asked us for our order I said:

"A large extra pepperoni, a pitcher of Coor's Light and a date with you."

She looked down at her pad as she wrote down the order and when she was done, she looked at me and said:

"My days off are Wednesday and Thursday. Which one do you want?"

"Can't I have both?"

"I guess that will depend on how the first one goes."

The first one went very well and so did all that followed especially after the eighth which is when we made love for the first time.

Stel was a junior when she had to drop out of school because her financial support ended when her parents died in an automobile accident. I got the full story on our fifth date. I asked her if their life insurance wasn't enough to help.

"If they had any I don't know about it. Nobody ever called me about it. I know they had money in the bank, but the bank won't let me have it because my name isn't on the account so I had no legal right to it."

"Didn't you get an attorney?"

"I don't have any money for an attorney."

"Well maybe us finding each other is Fate's way of helping you. It just so happens that my Uncle Dan is an attorney and I can get a family discount."

To make a long story a bit shorter Uncle Dan not only got the bank funds released to her he found out her dad had a safe deposit box and when it was opened a life insurance policy for a hundred thousand dollars was found and it had a clause that paid double indemnity for accidental death and she was listed as a beneficiary. There were also papers that showed that both her mother and father had life insurance as part of the benefits package where they had worked. Ten thousand on her father and five thousand on her mother and both of those policies paid double for accidental death and she was listed as a secondary beneficiary.

In three weeks she went from a penniless ex-student to a young lady who had over two hundred and twenty-five thousand in the bank.

I asked Stel to marry me when I graduated and she said yes, but not until she had her own degree in hand and a job.

I had a job when I graduated. It was with a company I interned with the previous two summers so I pretty much hit the ground running when I when to work full time.

The job paid well and I had some savings, which included the ten thousand my parents gave me for a graduation present so I had enough for a down payment and I bought a house.

It was a ten-year-old four bedroom, two and a half bath ranch style with a large back yard. There was a fair- sized patio with a hot tub set off to one side.

When Stel first saw it she got pissed at me for not letting her be a part of the deal.

"With the money I have from the insurance we could have made a larger down payment and maybe even paid for it outright."

"If we were married I would have, but we aren't."

"But we are going to be."

"But not until you graduate and get a job and that's at least a year and a half away and a lot can happen during that time."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You will be meeting new people and you might meet someone who catches your interest and you might want to see if there is anything there. When you start your job maybe someone there will catch your interest. Like I said, anything can happen in that length of time."

"You have no trust in me?"

"I have my doubts. You won't marry me until you graduate even though being married would have no impact on your being able to go to school and you won't even move in with me until then."

"I explained all of that to you."

"Yes, and I understand your reasoning, but that by itself is enough to give me doubts. Wanting the full college experience means meeting new people, trying new things and anything can happen along the way. Already has in fact. Twice in the last two weeks you've said no to a date with me because you were going to do something with some of the girls you met. It is a given that were the girls go boys are also going to go to try and meet those girls and things will sometimes happen."

"What can I do to convince you that you are the man I want?"

"That is something that you will have to figure out on your own."

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It wasn't long after that conversation that I asked her what she would like to do on the coming Friday and was told she had already made a date for that evening.

"But I'm free Saturday."

"Won't work. I already have a date for Saturday. Bye" and I hung up on her.

I didn't really have a date for Saturday night, but I felt good at having told her I had. What I did have going for Saturday was a barbeque. I'd invited all of my new neighbors over for a 'get to know you get together. The invitation I'd sent out said "From two until whenever" and it could run well into the evening.

Half an hour later I received a call from Stel. " I need to explain" and I interrupted her saying "I'm not interested in any explanations. You are free to do whatever you please. I do ask that you at least do not wear my engagement ring when you are dating another man. Have fun. Bye" and I hung up on her. She didn't call back.

The barbeque was a success as far as I was concerned. I got to know my neighbors and they got to know me. I was asked a couple of times why a single guy with no kids needed a four-bedroom house. I explained that I had a fiance and we expected to fill the bedrooms with kids once we were married. Then of course I was asked why she wasn't at the barbeque and I explained that she was a college student and had something to do she couldn't get out of.

Sunday Stel showed up around noon. Maybe fifteen minutes after she got there she asked me how my date went and I told her we ate and talked a lot and that is all I said. She didn't try to dig any farther, but I could tell she wanted more than I gave her. I didn't ask her about her date and I couldn't tell if she was relieved or disappointed that I didn't. The subject was dropped.

We spent the rest of the day talking about some of the things that needed to be done to the house and some of the things we wanted to do. Stel wanted to take advantage of the big back yard and put in a pool. I said it was something we could look into when we built up some money and she reminded me that she would be bringing a lot of money with her when she came into the marriage. I didn't say anything to that.

I made no move as far as making love was concerned. I left it up to her and she made no move to start things. She left at eight for her place and I didn't see her on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, but then I hadn't expected to. I remembered all the evenings I had to study until late or spend time after class in the library looking up stuff.

I did call her on Thursday and ask her what she'd like to do on Friday and she told me she already had a date for Friday. I told her to have fun and hung up on her. Stel didn't know it, but all those dates she went on would come home to roost sooner or later.

When I got off work on Friday I stopped with some co-workers for drinks and it was nine before I got home. When I got there Stel's car was in the driveway. When I got inside I found Stel in the bedroom hanging clothes in the closet. She turned to look at me and said:

"A while back I asked you what I needed to do to show you that you are the man I want. You told me that it was something I needed to figure out for myself. I figured the best way to show it would be to move in. That's what I'm doing."

It was a step in the right direction as far as I was concerned.

We settled into a very comfortable routine. There were times when she couldn't make it home in time for dinner because of study groups or group projects, but nothing that I also had done while still in school.

My job occasionally sent me out of town overnight and twice when I called home at night to let Stel know where I was staying and how to reach me my calls went to the answering machine at home and to voice mail when I tried her cell. When I asked her where she was on those occasions she told me she was having drinks with a couple of her girlfriends. It seemed reasonable to me. I mean why stay home alone if you could spend time with friends. I did it when I was in school so why shouldn't she be able to also.

I sometimes wondered if she might be seeing other guys, but I had plenty of friends who were single and hitting all the hot spots and I was sure they would let me know if she was out and about with guys.

And she was spoiling me rotten as far as a love life was concerned. Four and five times during the week and usually both days on the weekends.

Things went along great until the condom broke and we had to get married. Stel was four months pregnant as she walked across the stage to receive her degree. And no, Bobby was not stupid. I had a DNA check done (without Stel's knowledge) as soon as Christine was home from the hospital and she was mine. I know I've said I trusted Stel, but in the words of one of our former Presidents, "Trust, but verify."

Due to complications when Christy was born Stel would be unable to have any more children. Something that was going to have an impact on our marriage later on.

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The marriage hummed along for the next five years and once Christy started school Stel found a job and went to work. I really didn't want her going to work, but, as Stel pointed out, with Christy in school and no younger children in the house for her to take care of she would go 'bat-shit crazy' with nothing to do to keep her occupied so I caved.

The first year on her job presented no problems, but then she was promoted and moved to a different department and it wasn't long after that move that I got:

"The girls I work want me to stop after work with them for drinks. It is on a Wednesday so you'll have to see to dinner for you and Christy."

What bothered me most about it at the time is there was no "Would you mind if I..." or even a "Would it be okay with you if..." I was basically flat out told she was going to do it if I liked it or not. I was smart enough not to raise a stink about it, but I was not a happy camper.

The first few weeks she was home by 6:45 and then it was 7:15 and then 8:15. It bothered me some and I bitched about it, which of course resulted in some coldness in the bedroom for a time, but I was a bit too busy to dwell on it at the time as I had just been promoted.

Fred Bascomb had died and I was moved up to fill his slot. Fred had been in charge of several projects and a lot of information on those projects had been in his head and not on paper or in his work computer and had died with him. As a result, I was scrambling to try and pull the projects together and meet the targeted deadlines.

The job also had some travel involved. Not long trips, mostly just overnight with an occasional two. I'd made twelve trips by the time it happened.

Stel usually left for work an hour or so before I did so it fell to me to get Christy off to school. I was in the bedroom and Christy was there with me. She was chattering away about all the friends in her class. I had a meeting with a new client and I wanted to dress the part of a rising executive. I was going through my ties trying to pick one that would go well with the suit I was wearing when Christy said:

"Mommy has the same problem wondering which dress to wear when she goes out on her dates."

That caught my attention and I asked "When does mommy go out on dates?"

"When you go out of town."

"Mommy goes out on dates every time I go out of town?"

"Not all the time, but most of them."

"Do mommy's date's pick her up here?"

"Sometimes."

"Does she bring them home with her?"

"Don't know cause I'm mostly in bed when she comes home."

"Who watches you when mommy goes on her dates?"

"Angie. Sometimes Katie."

The names were those of two teen-aged girls who lived in the neighborhood. I'd used both of them to babysit when I've taken Shel out for dinner and dancing. Something that I was probably never going to be doing again.

I wasn't going to confront Shel on the word of a seven-year-old. Not that I doubted what Chrissy had told me, but I was going to need solid proof. A call to a couple of detective agencies let me know that the cost of a private detective was more than I could squeeze out of my budget so I was going to have to do it myself. Although I did wonder about that decision after paying for two nights at a hotel and for a rental from Avis for two days.

I told Shel I had a two-day trip to Chicago and I packed a bag and carried it out to the car when I left for work in the morning. I left work early and was parked in the rental where I could see Stel's car. When she got off work I followed her home. I parked down the block and waited to see what would happen.

About twenty minutes after we got there Angie Larson walked up to the front door and rang the bell. The door opened and she went into the house. Ten minutes later a car pulled up in front of the house and Stel came out, got in it and it drove off with me following. The car pulled into the parking lot of the Alhambra Lounge and when they got out of the car I saw that the driver was another woman.

I wasn't prepared for that. I thought, following along behind them, that Stel was with another guy and they were probably on their way to a motel or something. I couldn't go into the lounge to see what was going on because I didn't have anything to us as a disguise. All I could do was sit and wait until she came out and I could see what she did. That turned out to be a bust. She came out with the other woman at nine-thirty and went home. I went on back to the hotel and tried to make sense out of what I'd just seen.

The next day on my lunch hour I did some shopping. I bought a wig and a fake beard from a specialty shop. I bought a pair of horn rimmed sun glasses and punched the lenses out. That evening I was again in position to follow Stel when she got off work. She again drove home, Angie showed up, but this time Stel came out got in her car and headed out. I followed her to the Meadows subdivision and she pulled up in front of a house, a woman came out, got in the car and they drove off. It wasn't the same woman Stel had been with the previous night.

Again, they ended up at the Alhambra. I gave them five minutes to get inside and get situated and then I put on my disguise and went inside. I knew the Alhambra and I knew the bar area was dimly lit as opposed to the area around bandstand and dance floor. My disguise was cheesy and I was counting on the dimly lit bar to make it work. If Stel did see me and recognize me and wanted to know what I was up to I'd just tell her the truth.

I know, I know, if I was willing to do that why hadn't I just confronted her? And tell her I thought she was cheating on me? Based on what a seven-year-old had told me? It would change our relationship in ways I couldn't even imagine. No proof? Just a seven-year old's comment? No thanks! If there was to be a confrontation it would only be if I had solid proof.

I took a seat at the far end of the bar which put me as far from the dance floor as I could get and still see the dance area. Stel and the woman she had picked up were sitting at a table (actually two tables slid together) with four other women. At a quarter to seven the band came in and set up and at seven they started to play. Men started approaching the table and asking the ladies to dance and the ladies got and went out onto the floor.

Stel never danced with any one man in particular and all her dances were clean and above board. There was no groping although one guys hand did slowly slide down to her ass, but she shut that down. She walked away from him and left him standing out in the middle of the dance floor.

About ten to nine the ladies began gathering their purses up to leave so I got up and went out to my rental. Stel and her woman friend came out, got in Stel''s car and they pulled out of the lot. I followed along behind as Stel drove the woman home, dropped her off and headed back to our house. As I sat in my rental I called myself a dumb shit for ever doubting my wife. She wasn't cheating; it was simply a girl's night out.

But I was just a tad curious so one evening I told Stel about what Chrissy had said to me. It makes me curious. You dress up to go out on dates and sometimes you get picked up here at home by someone. Anything I need to be concerned about?"

"Not really. I take advantage of your being gone to get together with the girls I work with."

"What about the guy who picks you up?"

No guy picks me up. It is one of the girls. We have a set rotation for designated drivers."

That explained what I'd seen, but I was back to thinking bad thoughts again. When I mentioned the word "dates" Stel's face lost color. Now why would that happen? My thoughts? Okay, if she wasn't doing it on her nights out she must be doing it some other time and the only time I couldn't account for was her work hours. That led me to long lunch hours.

Two days later I was again in a rental parked where I could see Stel's car in her company's parking lot. I got there a half hour before her normal lunch period. I knew her normal lunch period because I'd taken her to lunch several times. It was good I got there early because instead of noon she came out at eleven forty-five.

She got in her car and pulled out of the lot and headed west towards motel row. As I travelled along behind her I was asking myself why she was cheating on me. What had I done (or not done) to cause it. My musings were cut short when her left turn signal came on. A quick look to the left showed the Best Western. Stel turned left, but instead of turning left into the motel parking lot she turned right she turned right to the Village Inn which shared the entrance drive with the Best Western. I sat in my car and watched the entrance to the restaurant until Stel came out and then I followed her back to work. As she was walking into the building, I was cursing myself for being a stupid suspicious fool. I stuck around to see if she left work early, but she came out at her regular quitting time and drove straight home.

But I'd taken the rental for three days so more to punish myself more than anything else I sat outside her place of work in the rental, bored to tears, for the next two days. She never left the building at lunch time and she never left early.

I turned the rental in and hurried home. When I got there Stel was fixing dinner. After eating I played with Chrissy until her bedtime and then Stel and I sat cuddled up to each other on the couch watching TV until our bedtime. When I came out of the bath room I found a naked Stel on the bed with her legs spread wide and a smile on her face. I asked myself how in the world could I have ever doubted this woman.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The months slid by, but there is this thing called human nature and it affects all of us in one way or another. In my case Chrissy had planted suspicion in my mind and it would not go away. Maybe it wouldn't have taken root in my mind, but in one of the compartments of my brain there was the way Stel had behaved before we got married. That and what Chrissy had told me combined and was growing. I was always looking for signs that would show Stel was cheating on me, but I never saw anything.