by romane
Thank you for the commendable effort you put into writing this story. However, it'd be great if you asked somebody to proof-read/edit your writing. The idea behind the story was truly phenomenal yet the story was lacking in flow suffering from disjointed stilted writing.
Nevertheless, a commendable effort! Bravo!
I loved the line "I guessed under her head the cinema that it could be made".
I agree totally with the first of these comments: very good story, so well told, in French, but so poorly translated in English, by, I presume, a "Spanish cow"! !
comme on dit en français : "Parler anglais comme une vache espagnole ! "
Sincerely, and with love, for You and your stories,
Jean-Françoiis