All Comments on 'Blooming Lily Ch. 01'

I hope you continue with this story, it's really good so far! It's very quick, in a way, but it kind of works, for me at least. You fit a lot into a first chapter and I feel like a lot of people don't anymore. Anyways, keep writing!!

clearly another diamond for the hall of fame

I wished I was eighteen again and got kidnapped by them ;)

thank you for sharing such an amazing story ,needless to say that you are really talented

Great beginning. Hope you continue.

Definitely could use some editing, the perspective mistakes are distracting. Great start and I'm excited to see more. I hope you get some good editors that will help put just that little bit of extra polish on. Added you to my favorites.

Tantalizing -- love the originality -- story flowed. Quite unique, but allows for you to be extra creative as the story continues to unfold. Well done -- I will look forward to your next Chapters. A very thoughtful, seductive story in progress !!

hey lm42?:)) why to you, does a teenager virgin, Lily, serving as a sex slave to three slave trader brothers,seem a remedy for her,from her father's regular battering of her?!;))isnt it from the frying pan to the fire,unless you assume Lily is a sex pro?!;))

like ,both are more or less worse situations,unless the brothers are never sexually aggressive on her!! ;)) isnt that impossible?!;))

the first person and third person writing is confused sometimes...isnt English your first language!! minor matter though!! :))

but scopes of a sweet polyandry(multiple husbands for one female!!) and overall a good first attempt!! :)) if the age difference between Lily and brothers would be less,would have been more entertaining!! :)) dont the three seem to be in their thirties!! ;))

I very much look forward to more of this. A few editing issues but such A great story and soooo many possibilities

This has some good stuff and shows promise, but there is definitely a need for an editor, for example, to harmonize whether things are happening in first person or third person. But my biggest issue is the utter hypocrisy of taking her from one abusive situation into another and pretending as if it is ok. She was beaten by her father, these kidnappers told her they'll never hurt her, and they proceed to paddle her????? Seriously? And one of them is a sadist? And they promise to never hurt her? They are insane. And if consent is everything to them, then what they are doing is even more hypocritical. I am a big stickler for internal consistency and for things to make sense, and here their talking like they're in the right is just too hard to swallow. But it is your story and you decide the direction in which to go. Good luck!

Love it so far! Definitely work on spelling some but overall very good! Keep up the good work! :)

Agree with the "abuse is abuse" comment— these characters are annoyingly hypocritical. The sadist thinks to himself that he takes no joy out of seeing her scared? That makes no sense. Also, please stop switching between 1st and 3rd person.

Definitely enjoying it but seriously annoyed at these hypocritical brothers. They simultaneously want a companion and robotic slave/puppy who is not allowed to converse with them besides the one "ask anything you want" day in which one only allows 4 questions. And getting pissed that she refers to her old home and demanding she refer to her new prison as home just pushed me over the edge. I would love a scene at the end in which they give her the choice of staying or going and she's like "Bye Felicia!" Even if they get her back that would be so worth it! I really hope something like that is far away though because I'm really enjoying the asshole brothers. I just hope they get theirs in the end.

Everything ive been looking for in a story!!! Keep it up!!

For your first story, this is very well written. But, I just cannot get over the fact that these 'men' are just like your heroine's abusive father. They are forcing her to live in fear. They force her to act according to their wishes, or they hurt her. The only difference is that her father didn't hurt her sexually too. These 'men' will. With such an obvious lack of power, she will never be more than an abuse victim.

So far, the story makes me want more. Dying to see where the training goes. I would love to see them offer her the choice to stay or go after her training.

Lily is stuck to repeat the cycle of abuse. Only difference is that it's coming from 3 different abusers.

I love this story! Please write more! You did a fantastic job for your first story!

they are not hurting her for to abuse her and show hate they are not spanking her in anger..she alresdy saw the difference....they said she can tell them if she really does not like something and they will change it...they are also giving her affection and compliments, something her father did not...while i wish she was not kidnapped, this is not the same as her father and not violent abuse, there is a huge difference between BDSM and domestic violence, which is why only the later is illegal always

So to start with congratulations on making your first story submission, especially for a first time entry it is lengthy, well formatted, has an interesting premise and the prose flows well. I like the idea behind in, in fact it reminds me of a less grim more fetishy Lisa (another story on the site about abduction and sharing between masters) which are changes likely for the better and together are a narrative combination I've not seen previously on Lit. It certainly also helps that I love pet play and ddlg so well your right on track for my preferences :D

Inparticularly I do like that you've spent the time characterising the main cast and feel that the revolving perspective works well in this instance, it feels like the characters not the spectacle are the focus and at least so far it works well. Lily is a nice change of pace for non-con protagonists as she seems a lot quieter and shy-er which is interesting and it feels like it'll make the transition between lifestyles easier allowing more time to focus on the interations and fetishes than the more extensive "breaking" otherwise focused on in other narratives. I feel as a reader (though I may be wrong) Lily is more likely to panic than attack which I feel is intersting and ties into the above. As to scenes that I liked, the calm panic escape followed by spanking scene was nicely done and was a good tone setter with the masters handling out punishment calmly with full reasoning. I also liked the scene in the van where they're caring for her and trying to make her feel better, it was a nice moment (well considering the circumstances).

There are however a few areas it feels are still iffy. First they talk about consent a lot but also talk about their massive experience with drugging, so are the previous girls they trained consenting or not? is it subs signing up for training, doms signing reluctant subs up for training, kidnap on demand or do they kidnap and sell. So far the writing is unclear on this.

Secondly, they seem to have very little patience with Lily and seem consistantly surprised by certain of her actions inparticular her fear and reticence to want physical contact with them. However you also point out their experience in training sex slaves so it just feels a bit odd how much they rush their interactions and push her limits so early.

Finally as an asside (not something that is a criticism, but a preference really), what is it with the extensive and repressive speach codes, they want her to be with them and be a devoted sex slave but at the same time never to speak unless spoken too, but then flip that again by saying she needs to tell them if there is anything she doesn't like but then seemingly flip that again when she doesn't want to snuggle in the bath with Luke. Maybe this is something that will develop over time and they'll become less restrictive. (all of this is in the context that it does make sense to have speech restrictions in lifestyle pet play)

Overall though it's a very promising start and I liked it, keep up the good work :D

5/5 stars

Lily is just an innocent 19 year old!! :)) dont make the sex slave rules so non fun,strict,stringent and puritan!! fun and giggles.....she making mistakes that would amuse the brothers...and them omitting punishing her quite a number of times...can all be made to happen even within non con!!

it would lighten and spice up the very grave and sombre non con atmosphere the first chapter has created!! ;))

do you have any release date on part 2?? 5/5 stars from me

The story itself has great potential and I hope you continue to work on it. Lilly is an abused girl, mourning the loss of her mother while trying to survive her father's brutality all while being isolated and cut off from the outside. She is shy and innocent and expects every hand raised to be violently connecting with her person. Great job with her characterization.

These 3 men are angered by the abuse she suffered, yet they have only added to her traumatized emotional state. I was hoping to see them being firm, without hitting her; calmly explain her new circumstances before having any expectations on her behavior and only once she is somewhat acclimated would they begin training. I personally hate the use of the word breaking. It is inaccurate to assume that training is synonymous with breaking. The two are completely different. Breaking implies irreparable damage. Training implies instructing, teaching and shaping behavior by the application of appropriate, agreed upon consequences. Your kidnappers can't decide if they are psychopathic beasts, or kinksters with a mission not opposed to bending or breaking the rules by which society expects one another to live by, namely do not steal people and deprive them of their freedom of choice unless that is what they chose to have happen.

The actual writing needs a great deal of work, unfortunately. The switching from first to third drove me nuts! I personally think you should stick to third for this story.

There were numerous inconsistencies that can be cleared up in further chapters. The issue of consent is a big one! Do they want her to like her circumstances or do they simply wish her to submit? You suggest they want her to ultimately be an consenting active and happy sub. But, they have drugged, kidnapped, and paddled her. Who consented to this and how exactly do they expect her to be happy here? Just because she isn't being beaten anymore and also gets some orgasms isn't enough for happiness, but maybe enough for submission.

They insist on these formal protocols from the get go and punish for failure to comply, and then insist she tell them if something is too much for her? You have also telegraphed that she will be sexually responding to them immediately and this is something that I hope you avoid because her sexual response under these circumstances, given her past abuse, is not at all consistent. Some writers like to use "magic" to have their characters sexually behave in a way that doesn't make sense. The Magic dick that gives orgasm after orgasm even though there was zero foreplay, the magic clitoris that produces orgasm after orgasm for the kidnapped virgin, the magic vagina that can be deflowered and pounded over and over and not be painfully raw... and in this story...the magic sexual response of a traumatized, brutalized, kidnapped innocent teenager. Come on now, don't rely on magic to make your characters behave as you want them to.

So these kidnappers are also loan sharks? And they train other women? Are these other women also kidnapped and have also magically learned to love their forced servitude?

Lastly, you've done well showing how the beaten down Lilly could latch onto their praise and how this consistent praise and affection could serve as the catalyst for her to bond with these men. I suggest you play that part up to a high degree because their liberal use of praise and affection would logically lead to her relaxing into their arms and finding peace and comfort in her new role regardless of the circumstances.

PLEASE!

I will make further comments later as I just started reading this but I was immediately struck by the same repetitive everybody-does-it sort use of Sir as if it were a synonym for Master (just like Madame is not a synonym for Mistress!). Sir means respect, Master means I am a slave and you own me. Just a thought. Also, it is better to tell stories by narration not by the characters. Thanks!

' non-consent/reluctance' plot : only if Lily blooms into a willing , consensual and consensuous submissive/masochistic lady will she fully condone the treatment meted out to her ...... but I guess the writer littlemai42 being a lady is guessing her way into the minds of three male Doms here which is tough .

but unless she willingly accepts the BDSM dished out to her they are as guilty of breaking the law here as is Trump in firing the FBI director : littlemai please let her accept her lot fast and fall in love with her Master/s so that we the readers are Not abettors of a Crime!!!

Please please please continue this story!!! This honestly has huge potential at being in the hall of fame. I love the build up to the story and the detail included and it shows great maturity in your writing as well as the thought and effort behind the story. I check everyday to see if the next chapter is up and I absolutely can't wait until the next part of this story 💘

I've never felt so desperate for a sequel before...

I love the story. It really sucks me in and I'd love to see a sequal. But oh my gosh, the grammar. You mixed up "there", "their" and "they're," and are missing punctuation left and right. All that I can understand. But please, decide whether you want the men to talk in first person or third person! There were several times where you switched back and forth IN THE SAME SENTENCE.

At this point I don't care if grammar is bad as long as there's plenty more chapters to this story. I'm desperately awaiting next chapter.

I have been looking for story like this so long and now I finally found it. Thank you so much for this and I want to read more!

They were so upset seeing her battered face that they killed the father, took her to their home and then beat her with a wooden paddle lol. I'm guessing the author has never been hit with a wooden paddle because they fucking hurt. After 15 hits by a grown man you'd probably pass out. Worse than a belt. She accepted this situation and abuse too easily.

Who do bad things and think they're the good guys are the worst.

The father is abusive, but those guys are just a different side of the same coin. I hope Lily manages to get away.

Please update don't let the haters get to you

This story is so unique! MORE PLEASE!!

This was really an amazing start, and yes I agree with the fact that abuse is abuse but that makes things more interesting, it makes me think what she will do next, stay or try to run. All in all it has good start, especially with the different point of views. Keep writing!!

Hello from Greece! Interesting story dear! Hopefully, in reality, love to exist, need the conscious consent of all parts. One may own the world, but if this one cannot love or be loved, then owns nothing. Because love cannot be owned.

"Hymn of Love"

"Love is patient and kind;

love is not jealous or boastful;

it is not arrogant or rude.

Love does not insist on its own way;

it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

"

I get the whole abduction for slave training scenario but these guys do nothing but contradict themselves and each other. One minute they talk about consent as if it's a standard but nothing they do is consensual. They say they don't want her to fear them but all her training is contingent upon her fearing their consequences. How is it "not forcing her" if she's not permitted to resist let alone say NO! They say they will not cause her pain or hurt her but they already have and threaten more by not following their rules. And don't get me started on the sadist! The most they could hope to achieve is some conditioned form of Stockholm Syndrome. My hope is she lulls them into some kind of false sense of obedience and "chloroforms" each one in their sleep and burns their little slave factory to ground with them in it! By confusing REAL sexual slavery with affection and/or loving relationships shows that not only are all three of them self-serving narcissist but are batshit crazy to boot!. Real justice would be for them all locked up in general population with all their fellow inmates knowing they are rapists. They'll learn real quick what it's like to be someone's little bitch!

such a nice-to-read, interesting, cute story.... but also feels might be a bit confusing for younger readers, which is why i'm leaving this type of comment (i don't think I ever have before).... the writer is clearly very young, and i don't mean to be harsh, it's great that she's done such a good job at writing a story like this, which is entertaining with so much detail etc. and the emotional, soft romantic side from the brothers is there strong, which is attractive to us romance-liking readers etc. and I will keep reading it, but some things that stuck out to me strongly so far are:

"Consent was an absolute in their world." this was funny. and she's hogtied at the back of their van :) LOL. i'm not sure if this was put in as a joke, or if the brothers are genuinely meant to be portrayed as this level of unaware and cutely 'delusional'. if so, bless. (clearly consent from Lily doesn't exist here.)

"Has she been told the basics?" is something Damien asks the brothers, and then Lily gets anger and a punishment from him, for not answering a question that was not aimed at her in the first place. This makes the brothers look sweetly unintelligent and unaware of the basics of logic, whilst they seem to think of themselves as some kind of masters of slave training :). (no big deal in the bigger picture of the story, but smth that stuck out. in a sense it's interesting character development.) and they take it so seriously, when she's JUST been abducted.

Another thing is that the brothers seem to speak to her like she's severely stupid or at the mental level of a 7-year old. "You ask very good questions." is said like she needs intense affirmations like this like a small child. They might be unintentionally doing an interesting mix of sternness, anger, gentleness, random bdsm, therapy aimed at a small child and who knows what else.... unless they're trying to regress her to a level of a small child, perhaps... (?)... (if they are speaking to her like this because they have concluded that she's psychologically traumatised and fearful, they probably wouldn't be putting her hogtied into a cage in a van etc.... and i wouldn't think they would have concluded at this point that she is a 'little', naturally childlike in her ways)... their internal monologue is a lot about taking care of her and with a distinct sweetness, but of course they seem very unaware of what they are doing (kidnapping, random bdsm when she's most fearful, violence, non-consent, personality 're-formation')... i'm of course not fully aware of all the aspects of bdsm etc. preferences, or of trying to regress someone to a state of a small child in a slave-abduction scenario....

Lily's reactions to things occurring are also very strange and I suppose speak of her traumatic childhood/youth.... for instance 'why did she agree to that' is smth she's thinking when she's in a cage in a van, and when it was the most obvious logical thing to do, but her internal monologue is this level of self-critical and confused... she was still drugged of course.... she is also an interesting 'leading female' in a long story, who is quite 'not really there' in many ways... very timid, submissive, confused, self-effacing, traumatised and a simplistic thinker (calling her 'simple' feels too harsh), with seemingly quite a broken sense of self....

I think I wanted to make this comment as this story surprises me often, but also does it in a creepy way :), where there's a strange feeling of a mixture of 'we are the good guys, we care about you, we are all about consent' from the guys towards Lily, and a distinct sweet/soft/romantic, sort of 'normalising' tone to what is going on... when the guys are obviously kidnappers who are doing things to Lily without her consent, and are looking to psychologically condition/abuse her to be their sex slave/sex toy, and likely severely alter or nearly remove her actual personality and own mind and decision making process.

Just hoping the younger readers will be reading stories like this in a clear-headed way.

Promise, but poor writing.