by johntamilandrea
Please keep writing as you will only improve. As you write more, work with some of the free editors on the site who can help. From what I can tell, there may be a language barrier and working with an editor can help as well as helping you flesh out your ideas more.
You are new to writing stories. You have a good concept and I hope you keep going with this story. Reach out to some of the members who will edit for you and you will only get better.
Please, do not be discouraged, sweetie. This site is better when everyone shares a little of themselves. I thank you for taking that risk.
Don't be discoura, it's an interesting concept. You should get an editor to proof read though.
Try to find a proofreader, stick with either past tense or present instead of switching bbetween them, keep writing and never stop trying to improve.
No one ever starts out at righting amazing stories with good grammar and stuff. They get better with practice and experience. Keep at it and like others have said, get a proof reader.
I'm not sure about grammar, etc. that others have commented on but, I liked it . I can't wait to see/read Part 2. :)
xoxoxo
Alicia
I loved the story. It was a great job especially for a new writer. As others have said, grammar needs a little help. Also being a bit more descriptive wouldn't hurt. As it stands this has great potential please keep it up.
I would love to read more of this & would be ecstatic if this was done to me.