The Sex Chat Hotline

"What happens when you call?"

"Please call us now," their advert said,
Their images now filled my head,
These maidens fair, on feathered bed
With sultry eyes and knees widespread.

I know not what came over me,
To dial them up with haste and glee,
My eagerness was clear to see
Though dark the sky and hour wee.

I called them from my own backyard
To hide my deed and stay on guard;
They only need my credit card
To speak to me with high regard.

I stayed on hold for far too long
And lost the swelling in my schlong;
I know that what I did was wrong
But I fell prey to siren's song.

It seemed to take ten minutes more
And I, of course, began to bore;
My ill-thought deed I now deplore
And doubt set in of what's in store.

And just when I was set to quit
A voice came on, "Please wait a bit"
She sounded sweet, my fire relit
So on the patio I sit.

When finally the call went through
The time was five and twenty-two;
The maiden said, "You must be new
Or really dumb and have no clue."

Our sex talk did not end right there
She said, "What's more, just be aware
Your address we are paid to share
With those who sell salacious ware."

I hung up quick, dumbstruck with fear;
My mailbox will be filled all year
With catalogs, both straight and queer,
Full color pics my mind to sear.

My wife must never know of this,
I brush her cheek with just a kiss;
My bedroom acts have been remiss
I know I must renew our bliss.

And so, my friend, take my advice:
Just put your little friend on ice,
Don't let these vixens, you entice,
Bestow your wife that bedroom spice.