by Evil Alpaca
has been mentioned in the New Story Review Thread in the Author's Hangout.
aside from a few spelling mistakes your story was rather captivating. I do hope this story line will be contiuing in our near future, i anxiously await its next chapter.
domthesub@yahoo.ca
The authour did an excellent job of setting the milieu the story was set in and the characters that existed in it.
The two central characters are very likable and the secondary ones fill the story out nicely.
I am very much looking forward to the next chapter.
Well done!
Very good story...like always...there were a couple typos here and there...I believe you called Rain Dawn in one of the scenes, but the story is very well orchestrated.
Welcome back, o evil one. This has all the makings of a new favorite of mine from you.Lesbian sci fi really is a kick. Looking forward to the next chapters. Cheers!
A great start to the story, but then I expected no less. I hope it continues for a good few chapters.
You're the only author I make a point of checking for new submissions weekly even when you haven't written anything for 6 months.
but I would encourage you to use an editor in the future. Every time I started to get into the storyline, there was a glaring grammatical error that brought me up short. This really disrupted the flow, especially at one point when the secondary main character was referred to by a completely different and previously unused name.
Hi, good start.
One criticism ( I always criticize my favorites :) )
There was a dry history section in the beginning I don't think was necessary. The story already laid out the facts as we needed them.
but the sex is too long, so i just skip over that