Faith, Hope and Love

"And that's funny, why?" If I were a betting man, I'd say my explanation was affecting Faith, but she was still fighting it by focusing on my laughter and not my words.

"Some of the laughter was in simply relief, but the rest was because of what I just said," I explained, no longer smiling as I reached out and pulled her mouth to mine. It wasn't a long kiss, but it was heartfelt. She was stiff at first, but relaxed into it quickly enough if only for a few moments. It didn't take Faith long to pull back. Instead of letting her go, I shifted my lips to behind her right ear and kissed her there. Finally, I did the same behind her left ear. "Get it? You and your tattoos say it all. Faith, hope and love. Don't you agree?"

I was hoping she'd answer my question or at least see the humor in what I said earlier and laugh, but neither happened. Instead, she tried to pull away again.

"I'm not letting go." It was more of a promise than a threat and I think she understood, but that didn't stop her from running. That's what she was doing after all. She was running from the intensity of what we were both feeling. "Call you friends."

"I really can't stay," she snapped, once more refusing to look at me. Her words were oddly familiar, but they hit too hard for me to focus on that. I knew that if I didn't say or do something in the next few seconds that got through to her than there was a good chance I'd lose her, my faith, hope and love notwithstanding.

Faith had already half convinced herself that our time together was some sort of Christmas fling that would only end up a fond memory once the holiday was over. I needed to convince her that what we shared was real, but before I could do that I had to break through the wall she'd built between us. I racked my brain trying to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind.

I was nearly in a panic with her words replayed in my head over and over again, 'I really can't stay...I really can't stay...' when I realize why they sounded so familiar. A crazy thought popped into my head. It was ridiculous, but it was all I could come up with so I went with it.

"But baby it's cold outside." It was impossible for Faith not to get the reference, but I prayed she take up the challenge I'd thrown out. Thankfully, I wasn't disappointed. I could see her fighting it, but music was too important to Faith for her to let a song remain unfinished, even one as silly as this one.

"I've got to go away." Faith didn't sing her response like I hoped, but she did use the right words. I knew it was up to me to take it to the next level. I swallowed with some difficulty, but I refused to back down.

~~But baby it's cold outside~~ I sang, which if you knew me would have surprised the hell out of you. I don't sing...ever, not even in the shower, but I was desperate and hoping for a little Christmas magic. My voice was terrible, but Faith smiled at my attempt and sang the next line.

~~This evening has been~~ I know this is corny, but as she relaxed ever so slightly and actually sang the lyrics instead of leaving I could actually hear the music begin in my head.

~~Been hoping that you'd drop in~~ My voice was a little gravelly, but it sort of went with the song, at least that's what I told myself.

~~So very nice~~ Faith's voice was just as beautiful than I remembered. She rolled her eyes at me, but it was followed by a smile. I felt a surge of hope that almost made me almost miss my next line.

~~I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice~~

I thought I was doing okay singing until that moment, but only because the song was more spoken than sung. In either case, I rushed the line and it came out a little off.

"Michael Buble you're not," Faith teased.

"I was going for more of a Leon Redbone vibe," I joked back.

"Hmm..." she said, still looking amused. "Probably closer to Louie Armstrong...without the trumpet."

"Ouch! Now that was mean," I grinned. "And I like Louie Armstrong's voice!"

"It's certainly distinctive enough," she retorted. I was enjoying our byplay, but from the change in her expression I could tell it was almost over.

"You know, I wasn't kidding before. I need some time and distance to make sure it's real." I looked up at her trying to judge what she was feeling. Faith was calmer now, but I wasn't sure if she was still running. She seemed to read my mind. Faith smiled warmly before leaning down and kissing me gently. "I said I had to go. I didn't say I wouldn't be back." I knew it wasn't a promise to return, but it at least left the door open.

"When?" The question slipped out before I could stop it.

"When I'm sure." Her answer made me frown, but there was little I could do about it. She saw my concern and added, "I haven't even been home yet. There's things that need to be done. There's a lot I need to work through."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I knew that what she was asking for was fair, but I also knew it was partly an excuse. I took a moment to stare deep into her deep brown eyes. It made her nervous, but at least she didn't turn away.

"You're really not sure what we have is real, are you?" Faith didn't bother denying it.

"How can I be?" she asked softly. "We met less than twenty-four hours ago. Come on. Admit it. Somewhere deep down you're worried we're moving too fast too."

"Not really." It was the truth so I saw no reason to hide it.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I am," she said with conviction, but not unkindly. "My emotions were running high last night with Christmas being so close and me being back in the states for the first time in two years."

"And what about this morning? Because you can't tell me you're not still feeling it. If you weren't you would have slipped out without waking me." She didn't bother denying it, but she didn't give in either.

"It's all too crazy."

"A lot of the best things in life are," I argued, and then grinning added, "Think about how great a story it will make when we're old and grey."

"Oh sure!" she snorted. "I can just picture trying to explain to our kids that you picked me up at a bar with some of the worst pickup lines ever used."

"First of all, like I said last night. I really have seen you somewhere before," I insisted, but continued before she could comment. "But more to the point, crazy or not, deep down you know what we're feeling for each other is real." She looked ready to argue, but I didn't give her a chance. "Don't bother. After all, all I said was that our meeting would be a good story. You're the one picturing us having kids together, not that the thought doesn't make me happy."

"I wish you'd stop throwing my own words back at me!" she snapped in frustration, finally pulled away from me with enough force to break free.

"Then stop fighting what your subconscious sees just as clearly as I do!" I retorted, sitting up in bed.

"I have to go," Faith said, steeping back. Her voice sounding small for the first time. I could tell I'd pushed her as far and hard as I could without making it worse.

"I understand that you need some time to process it all," I said, finally backing off. "I'll give you as long as you need, but you have to promise me that you won't overthink it. We feel what we feel and emotions aren't always logical. That doesn't make them wrong." Faith's eyes met mine and after a few seconds she nodded slowly.

"Good," I sighed, knowing it was the best I could hope for. "Go back to the place you grew up and settle what needs to be settled. Only, don't get confused. That place isn't home. Not for you anymore." I thought she was going to argue, but she surprised me by actually smiling.

"Have I ever told you that you can be a little pushy?"

"You may have mentioned it a time or two." Faith rolled her eyes and suddenly we were both laughing. Despite the distance between us, it felt good. I wanted to kiss her one last time before she left. I think part of her also wanted that, but she was slowly backing away, making it obvious that it wasn't going to happen.

"Faith?" She stopped briefly at the door to my room. "I don't suppose I can convince you to leave me your number?"

"I told you, I'll be in touch once I figure things out."

"That doesn't seem very fair," I sighed. "You can contact me, but I don't have any way to get in touch with you."

"Sure you do," she grinned. "I mean, you keep saying that our meeting was fate and that you know me from somewhere. If that's true than I'm sure you'll be able to track me down once you remember." She was teasing me. I think she expected me to complain, but instead I smiled.

"Hmm, good point," I said thoughtfully. "When I do remember, and I will remember eventually, I fully expect you to apologize for not believing me."

"Is that all?" Faith's widening grin made it obvious that she didn't believe me.

"Well, that and accept that fate brought us together and it would be totally selfish for you to keep us apart."

"Still coming on a little strong..." she retorted with a laugh before looking at her cell phone. She lost her smile. "I've got to go. My cab is here."

"Faith..." I began. I was sorely tempted to use those three little words everyone knows, but I chickened out. Not because I wasn't sure I felt them, but because I wasn't sure how she'd deal with them.

"Yes?" Faith asked nervously.

"Merry Christmas," I replied. I could have left it at that, but instead I added a little more confidently. "And I'll see you soon."

"Merry Christmas Colin," she replied, turning to leave. Her back was to me, but that didn't stop me from hearing her add softly, "You just might." The door closed behind her a moment later. I lay there with my back against the headboard until I heard her leave my house. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done.

A half hour later I was still in the same position. I think part of me hoped she'd come back if I stayed there waiting, but eventually I had to get out of bed.

"Faith, hope and love." I decided that I'd just have to hang on to all three until I could kiss them all once more. I had no idea how long it would be before that happened, but I promised myself it would and that when it did, I've never let Faith go again.

**********

"What's wrong with you?"

I glanced up and saw Eli looking at me from the doorway. I was hiding in my childhood room, but of course, he found me. I had to shake my head at the fact he was here. I guess my love life wasn't the only one that had taken a drastic change in the last couple of days.

It turns out Eli did call Jean as soon as he left the bar. I didn't get all the details yet, but the end result was that he cancelled his date with smoking hot girl he was supposed to be meeting with and went out with my cousin instead.

It must have gone well because he ended up coming to my house for Christmas dinner. I mean, it's not like he wasn't invited. Eli was like a second son to my parents. The only reason why he usually chose not to come for the holidays was that it meant dealing with the rest of my crazy family. I guess part of it might also have been the fact that Jean used to bring her old boyfriend.

In either case, Eli was here today. I'm sure most of the family thought it was because he was my best friends, but the truth was pretty obvious to those who bothered to take notice. Eli was willing to deal with my extended family for one reason and one reason alone. Jean. I could understand. I'd withstand worse to be with Faith. Thoughts of her made me groan.

"I am a dumbass."

"Agreed," he said easily, walking into the room and sitting next to me on my bed. "But what's this all about? Not the purple haired girl from the bar again?" I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I've been wracking my brain for days, but no matter how hard I try, I can't remember where I saw her before and I'm afraid I'll never see her again unless I do." He frowned.

"You really like this girl." It looked like the truth was finally sinking in. I mean, I'd told him about what happened, but Eli was having problems accepting it.

"More than that," I admitted.

"More?" His disbelief was obvious.

"I'm going to marry Faith one day." I guess I should have been more surprised by my own words since I hadn't planned on saying them out loud. They pretty much slipped out like a lot of things over the last couple of days, but only because each of them was the truth. I'd known how I felt about Faith from the moment I first laid eyes on her. It defied explanation so I gave up trying to explain it.

Eli reaction was more expected. He was stunned by my words. He whistled softly and shook his head as he realized I meant it. Eli being speechless was a rare occurrence and typically didn't last long so I took advantage and added, "Go ahead, tell me how crazy that sounds, but it's a waste of breath. It isn't going to change how I feel."

Eli continued to stare at me in silence while I waited for his reactions. I thought he was going to lay into me about how ridiculous I sounded when he got this far away look in his eyes. I watched as he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I would tell you how crazy that sounds or at least make fun of you, but I'm sort of in the same boat." Okay, so now I was stunned. Not because he felt the way he did about my cousin. That had been obvious for years, but Eli was a bit of a womanizer and to see him settle down so quickly was a bit of a shock.

"Jean?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He nodded. "I figured. You two make a good couple."

"It's no secret that I've had a crush on her forever, but it's not like we know each other all that well. Still, I feel the same way about her that you feel about this Faith girl. We spent the last two days together and it's been amazing, and I'm not just talking the sex."

"Too much information!" I cried. "That's my favorite cousin you're talking about." Instead of being apologetic, Eli did what Eli always does. He went on the offensive.

"Favorite? That's sad because she likes your cousin Ryan a lot better than you."

I laughed. Eli had definitely picked the right cousin. Ryan was probably a good guy deep down, but most people couldn't sit in the same room for with for more than five minutes at a time without wanting to scream. I knew for a fact that Jean couldn't stand him. Don't get me wrong. We both loved Ryan. He was blood after all, but like? That was a whole different story.

"So, how does it feel to be Jean's rebound guy?" My retort scored a hit, but I'd only used it because I knew it wasn't true. Jean wasn't the type.

"Fuck you," Eli said without heat. "At least Jean and I have stuff in common. What are you and little miss sad puss going to talk about?"

"Everything and anything." He looked at me, snorted and then shrugged. The fight seemed to go out of both of us at the same moment.

"Yeah, I get that." We fell silent, each thinking about the new women in our lives.

"There you two are." I looked up and saw Jean taking her turn standing in my doorway. I smiled when I saw that although she was talking to both of us, she only had eyes for Eli. "No hiding without me, especially when Ryan is threatening to sing Christmas Carols." Eli and I exchanged a look and started laughing.

"What?" Jean asked, but instead of answering I stood.

"We'd better get out there and stop him. Ryan's singing is bad enough, but he'll insist on playing along on mom's piano and the boy really can't play. It hurts to listen to him try."

"You'd think after all those lessons he took he'd get a clue," Jean threw in.

"That bad?" Eli asked, standing as well.

"Oh yeah!" I said emphatically. "I don't think he actually likes playing, but he loves the attention it brings him."

"There's no way Ryan could be that bad unless he put zero effort into it, lessons or not." Jean shook her head as she spoke. "Of course, his mother never sees it that way. Remember when she sent him and Rose away to music camp one summer? She made your mom buy the video from the camp's website the following Christmas, which was bad enough, but then to add insult to injury she made the entire family watch him play. Now that was painful!"

"Yeah, it was really bad." Something was tickling the back of my brain, but for the life of me it wouldn't come. I thought I almost had it, but then mom called us down for dinner.

The rest of the night when quickly enough. My family was entertaining if nothing else. Frankly, so was Eli and Jean as they did the new relationship thing.

Cousin Ryan did eventually start singing some Christmas carols, but I got to the piano first which made it somewhat bearable. I couldn't sing for shit, but I had a touch of talent when it came to the piano. In my family that wasn't much of a thing since music was in our blood. Our grandparents met while both playing in a big-name orchestra and the rest, as they say, was history.

Everyone in our family took to music in one way or another. Well, except for Ryan, but there's always one oddball in a family.

A few of my cousins even play in bands, although mostly only on the weekends to make some extra cash. Jean was a mean base guitarist back in high school, but stopped playing in public when her band broke up. It was pretty ugly from what I hear.

Interestedly enough, the best musician out of our generation was Ryan's sister Rose. She was amazing on the cello and was starting to build a following professionally. Go figure.

In either case, for me the family passion came in the form of a piano. I mostly played for myself, but that was enough. It was one of the few things that almost always helped me relax.

"So, do you have any plans for New Year's Eve?" Jean asked a few hours later as the party started running down. Most of the remaining family was in the kitchen and dining room. We were in the recreation room in the basement. Jean and Eli were sitting next to each other on the couch. I was in my father's recliner as we watched some old Christmas special.

"Eli and I typically get together with some old friends for a poker party," I said, looking back and forth between them and realizing the truth. "But I'm guessing that's not happening this year."

"Got it in one." Eli didn't look remotely remorseful. Jerk. Of course, I wouldn't feel that way if Faith was around.

"We're going out with a bunch of my friends. You're welcome to join us." My cousin actually sounded like she wanted me to go, but that wasn't going to happen.

"I'll pass." The last thing I wanted to do was go to a party with Eli and Jean as the third wheel.

"Come on," Jean argued. "It will be fun. I'll feel bad otherwise. Did I mention that they'll be plenty of single women there?"

"Thanks, but I think I'd rather play card with the guys."

"Passing up a chance at some hot women so you can lose money in a room full of guys and cigar smoke." Eli had on his shit eating grin. "You really do have it bad for that wild child you met the other night."

"Wild child?" My cousin curiosity was piqued.

"This has nothing to do with Faith," I snapped, not wanting to discuss her. "I just don't feel like going to some big gala and blowing a shit load of money on watered down drinks."

"Don't worry," Eli said to Jean when she frowned. "He'll come. This is going to be a bunch of your friends and I'll need my wingman along. He's never failed me yet and he's not about to now after all these years." I looked at Eli, wanting to argue, but he was grinning confidently. Jackass.

"I'll go," I sighed. It not like I had a choice. Eli was right. He'd need me along to help smooth his interaction with Jean's friends. Some people didn't get his sense of humor. Besides, I'd been his wingman too many years to not be there when he asked. That didn't stop me from pointedly looking at my cousin Jean and adding, "As long as you don't try and set me up with any of your friends."