Two Nights in Spring

'dirty girl!'

'yes. I am your little slut.'

'only mine, I hope?'

'yes'

I meant that as well.

I rolled onto my back as he pulled out and moved over me. I opened my mouth and watched as he moved up to my face, his knees each side of me, dangling his large, heavy penis towards me. A drop of semen hung on a string and slowly descended to my waiting tongue. I grabbed his hips and pulled him toward my waiting mouth, put my lips around him, sucked him in and tasted. I liked it. A lot. I sucked and licked and cleaned. He jerked and flinched, still so sensitive. I put my hand between my legs and with two fingers reached inside and found in that wetness a big glob of his cum. I felt so horny, I was now erect and getting unbearably hard. I brought up my finger, and looking straight into his eyes, dripped his cum that had just been in my arse onto my tongue and rolled it around my mouth. I sucked it off my fingers. His penis was still inches from my face, and throbbing. He was getting hard again!

'That is so fucking hot..' he said. I grabbed his balls and pulled him down, sucking on the end. As I brought him further into my mouth I could feel him growing again. I wanted him again. I took him as far back as I could, but the angle was wrong. I lifted up a little and tilted my head back and as I swallowed him down my throat I squeezed his balls, hard, as he had done mine

'Shit - yes!' he muttered. I felt him growing even harder in my throat and wondered if it would get stuck, then he was bobbing up, pulling his balls against my grasping hand, and down again, fucking my throat. All those times practising on toys finally were paying off...

'oh my god, shit, Stevie, oh!' I squeezed his balls, hard, he went into a frenzy, pushing in too far, then saw my startled eyes and stopped.

'sorry'

'it's all right' I whispered. my voice was completely gone. 'I said you can do anything. I just need more practice, that's all' I took him in my mouth again, but he pulled away, and laying on top of me, kissed me deeply, tasting his own juices. Her breasts felt lovely pushed against me and I moved the bra up so I could feel her skin better. She took it away, off me. She or he. Both, it did not matter, Penny was Pete was Penny and I loved them.

'I love you' I whispered, between kisses.

'I do you' Penny said back, 'a lot'

Then she turned around, lying next to me on her side, so we were in a 69.

'let's practise' she said

She was very good at it, and I was good enough. With careful use of hands and mouths we orchestrated a combined orgasm, exploding in each other's mouths. I almost drowned Penny with the release of what had been building up all evening. It was delicious and seemed so right. We kissed, savouring and playing with our juices, becoming aroused again but not needing to do anything but toy and fondle in our warm togetherness until sleep took us...

----

5. Later....

At 2.50 am the CCTV in the hotel car park showed the red BMW registered to Caterham still in the same place. At 2.55am a white van arrived to left of view; it was not there 5 minutes earlier.

I wake up early in the night when she moved. We neither of us had cared really about how we looked any more when we started making love, and probably now as she looked at me feigning sleep still in the small hours, bedside light still on, she would see the cracks in my disguise beginning to grow. At least my wig was firmly on. So much had happened, but so much still to happen. All those weeks ago when I had first seen him, first knew I needed him and now... I felt so much... I think I have her hooked, and I have plans for tomorrow, for both of us. You should know that about me - I am a planner. I didn't use to be, I made mistakes in my life, but those days are over. Don't worry, my plans are not evil, I'm not intending to defraud or blackmail or anything awful like that. I just like to get my own way. At the moment, I don't even intend to take him from his wife, I was quite truthful when I told him I just wanted an affair, to be the other woman. But I know I could if I wanted to. It is amazing, this feeling of power, she will do pretty much anything I ask of him. Is she still looking at me? I don't know if I think of him or her. It was him to begin with, but after tonight it is more her. I love this ambiguity. This ambiguity of sexuality, this ambiguity of gender.

This ambiguity of pain and pleasure.

I was right; I had hoped, and then taken a gamble. I had watched her carefully, but the way she obeyed me, played my games, the way she responded to my touch and so enjoyed being pinned against the car...it wasn't much of a gamble. She is so like me. I don't know yet if we will take turns or if I will always be in charge...

Then I know there is another ambiguity, it scares me a little. I do not want to hurt her. But I envy him and am jealous of his wife, the fact that their marriage is intact, the secret still unknown. In many ways where I am today is better, in many ways it is worse. My relationship with my daughter is oh so good, but I know I have hurt her immeasurably as well. And I have hurt my wife. She will never know how much I love her, how much I have hurt myself, how much I regret ever deceiving her by hiding who I was, how much I regret then revealing it all those years later, how devastated I was to find that she had never loved me, but only the man I pretended to be, the character I was playing - even though that was a real part of me. I wonder how many hide from their loved ones their true character, their true loves and hates, their true politics and religion, just out of fear of rejection. So I envy her his continuing deception and though I know I love her it scares me that I will take her away from her wife.

I say I love her. But I am old cynic and my heart has become steely. I know this is infatuation. This is chemistry in my brain. Logic tells me that the chemistry is not a reason to do anything. But then why would I drink a glass of wine or listen to music?

I love her and at the moment this is the second most important thing in my life. Emily always comes first now, I never will hurt her again.

I love her, I welcome the love, even if it is just chemistry. Bring it on!

I need it. I think she needs it, too.

I feel the movement, and hear the click of the light as my red world turns black. Her breath is on my cheek and I turn so that when she kisses me our lips meet. It is a long, gentle, and exploring kiss.

I love her.

"I thought you were asleep" she whispers as we break the kiss.

I just kiss her again. I cannot speak at the moment. There is still some night to sleep and perhaps she does; I have turned away so she will not know of the tears that wet my pillow.

I am not sure what sort of tears they are.

----

6. The morning

I awoke with a start. For a moment I did not know where I was. It was late, later than it should have been; there was light creeping around the curtains -had I not set my alarm? Penny's sleeping body was next to me. That was an unfamiliar situation. She was turned as she had been in the night, her back to me, I had slept close at first and the memory of her buttocks against my groin caused a stirring. But there was no time. As silently as I could, I rose and looked for clothes. Of course mine were all in my room, next door. I found a large towel and started to formulate what I would say to the person who would inevitably be there as I dashed between rooms. I felt guilty just leaving her without explanation, but I would text when I got to the office. I went around to her side of the bed and looked down at her. Her make-up was smudged and perhaps there was a little pale stubble on her face, but she was still very attractive. Very. Her mascara had run, onto her pillow. It had run onto her cheeks - I realised they were tear marks and her pillow was wet - why?

What had I done?

I felt an overwhelming love and I bent down to kiss her gently on the cheek.

Just as she had done in the night, she turned her head and our lips met. It was uncanny how she could do that. But it was not the kiss we had in the night. This was hot, and wanting, and commanding. I felt her hand on my balls, and just as she gripped hard, she bit my bottom lip. She pulled me down so that I was on my knees beside the bed.

This was a different Penny.

She was still biting, and sucking. I tasted blood.

I think at that point I felt some apprehension, but also a lot of excitement. My erection may have been harder than any even the night before.

"I want to fuck you" she said, her hot breath in my nostrils, her grip vice-like.

My breath was short and shallow.

"Not a good idea at present" I managed, uncomfortably.

Her face was a few inches from mine, I felt as though I was falling into her deep liquid eyes. I did not think she could squeeze me any harder, but she did. I felt I was swooning.

"Well, then, you will have to suck me off"

"I will have to go - I am late already" - That is what I was going to say, but she had gone in for another bite. She was masturbating with her other hand as she was biting me and torturing my balls. She was hurting me.

She let go of my balls, grabbed my head and, throwing the bed-covers aside, pushed my face to her groin.

"Suck me off, slut, put your bloody lips around my cock"

Her hand was on her cock, foreskin drawn back presenting the head of it for my lips. I remember seeing it, huge. Bigger than I remembered, and I wanted it so much. I wanted to suck it and make her come. She slapped me hard on the buttocks as I took her penis in my mouth. I savoured her glans, and my lips did leave a smear of blood like lipstick. Then I took it as far as I could, further than the night before. It was in my throat, awkward and large, as she forced it, I tried to relax. She smacked me again, stingingly hard. I felt like gagging but managed not to, then somehow the way I moved it was easier and I had it in me, part of me, like it was supposed to be, like there was nothing else on earth but this wonderful organ I must pleasure and devote my body to....

She must have felt that it got easier, because she started pushing back up at me. She held my head and fucked my throat, pushing it all the way so my nose brushed against her trimmed pubes. I tried for as long as I could and then she let me pull away to gasp for breath.

I drooled and saliva mixed with blood dripped onto that perfect patch she had left - her golden heart now marked with my blood.

"You like that, don't you?" The softness of her tone took me by surprise, and there was laughter in her lovely eyes. But my lip hurt - it was swollen that morning and sore for a few days.

She pulled my wig off. Neither of us had come, we were both still erect.

But I felt that something more profound than an orgasm had passed between us.

"Don't leave until I have cleaned your face up"

I realised I could quite easily have sneaked off wearing just a towel, a wig, and smudged make-up. Penny looked after me, and lent me trousers and a shirt. So much easier when someone else removes your nail varnish!

"Go" she said and I went next door for a quick shower and shave before rushing, hungry and tired to the office.

We had said nothing of meeting again.

The morning passed slowly, it was a large meeting and my attention was elsewhere. So many times I had to ask people to repeat things, I got strange looks. A couple of people asked me if I'd been in a fight. I laughed and made some excuse of tripping up and biting my lip. Thank goodness we were all sat down behind the conference table; when my attention wandered inevitably it was to think of Penny and the physical reaction was predictable.

My phone buzzed; when we broke for coffee I checked it.

Penny had sent me a picture. It was a picture taken at night of a woman leaning with her back to the wall, one elegant leg raised bent at the knee with her foot backwards against the wall, the hem of her dress riding up a little. She had long curly hair. She was wearing a rather shabby fleece and her dress was not so flattering. She was looking across the street at someone and smiling. It was with a shock I realised that it was a photo of me. Back then I really could not do makeup; Penny would change all that.

The message with the picture said simply:

"You need new clothes. The rest is good."

I sent back a couple of kisses. Immediately a message came back:

"I will be outside at 12.30 to pick you up for lunch"

I had not thought of lunch. Suddenly I was starving. A pint and a pie with Pete would be good, I thought.

----

7. Lunch with Steve

I think I may have overdone it. I got carried away. She has just gone, and I am here, messy, with her blood on my pubes. I am not sure I really know what happened. He will have a sore lip, but I will make it up to him. My god I need to be so sexy and feminine today! And she is He for now - I will take him from his office, out for lunch...

So I spend the next hour or so cleansing and removing hair. I leave just those few on my belly that I think are a little sexy, and of course my carefully trimmed golden heart. It does take a little effort to be Penny, but I enjoy it, and it is always worth it. Today it will be worth it more than ever!

I know where I will take him, and perhaps back there again this evening - will he dare go as a woman, I wonder? Of course for me it is now nothing - I am very confident about how I look and I just love it. Soon I hope to set up an online business and be my own boss, then I will be Penny all the time and no more pretending otherwise.

And for tonight - she needs clothes. I was impressed by the look, but she needs new clothes. So shopping is on the agenda today. I think she must be about my size, I wish I could take her with me, I don't think - unless....of course if we are a couple, he (the man) can come into the changing room with me (the woman)... perhaps? Could be pushing it. I decide that I will just buy a few things that go together and hope they fit. A better wig is more of a problem, but a quick google and I found both a fancy dress shop and a human hair wig supplier locally. I decide I will treat her and get a good one - because she is worth it!

As for my clothes - again, I needed to stun him. But first I pull on my tight jeans and a loose top and head out for the wig. I don't think twice about being male or female when I go out now; I am just me and I get genuinely surprised if anyone thinks I am not a woman - I get more odd looks when I present as a man.

So I am ready. I think I look good. I texted him earlier, I am going to pick him up at a business park just outside town.

Just before 12.30 pm a woman walked in the door. She did not approach the desk, but sat on one of the chairs provided for visitors. I did not bother her; it is common at lunchtime for people from the various offices on the site to meet up. However, I had not seen her before and made sure that the CCTV captured her image before returning to my book. I recall that she was a very attractive woman and when at 12.33 Steve Meltonby, one of our managers from another site, came through the barrier and returned his pass, it was clear that she knew him intimately. They left quickly and drove away in a red BMW, the woman driving.

He walks in, every bit as hunky as I remember from last night, and in a smart suite. He is surprised, he doesn't expect me to be Penny! But I know I look good, this is not an issue..

I know I look good because of his expression, the way he looks me up and down as he quickly paces across to me. His bottom lip is blue and swollen and I feel a pang of remorse. I reach out with my finger to touch it, he flinches. No words are said as I quickly lead him out to the car. As soon as we are out of sight of the buildings I stop.

There is urgency in the way we kiss, the way he presses his swollen lip to mine, is he ignoring or welcoming the pain?

I have my answer as I place my hand on his crotch to feel his hard, swollen cock, because he puts his hand over mine, and moves it to squeeze my fingers over his balls. My god you cannot imagine how aroused this makes me - and clearly it does the same for him as I squeeze, hard. I start to undo his zip.

"Not here" He stops me. These are the first words we have spoken. He is right.

"I need you to fuck me" I say. My god I really do. I had planned to have lunch first.

"You bit my lip"

"You like it"

"I said no inexplicable marks"

"Well?"

"I had to say I tripped and bit my own lip"

"Then it wasn't inexplicable, was it?"

He doesn't reply.

"Bite me back?" I want him to, but I know it is not going to happen - yet.

He looks at me reproachfully.

"You are too beautiful to hurt" he says.

Six words said with tenderness. I feel a knot in my stomach, a sort of dizzying weakness rushes through me, I know how he feels about me ten times more than if he had said "I love you".

"How long do you have for lunch?"

He looks at me steadily.

"However long I have is not long enough. I have to be back in an hour and a half or I would say let's go back to the hotel. There is always tonight?"

I laugh.

"You're hungry, aren't you?"

I start the car and drive off towards town. I know a pub that does decent grub.

"Penny?"

"Uh-huh?"

"You look stunning. If I'd just met you I would not believe either that you are not a woman or that you were not a day over 35. You are seriously gorgeous."

"Why 35?"

"Well 30 then"

"And I am a woman. I just happen to have a penis."

"I am fucking glad you have"

We pull into the pub car park and get out. In a flash he is around the car and takes me in his arms. We kiss passionately, our bodies pressed full length to each other, I can feel his hard length against me, and his hand reaches down to my buttocks. I open my legs slightly and enjoy the feeling as I relax into him, he feels powerful, I so want him now....

I break the kiss.

"Buy me lunch" I say. To be truthful I don't know if I can eat.

There is a CCTV camera on the corner of the building, looking into the car park. It records their arrival, it records the arrival of a white van which parks two spaces further in. As it records their kiss a man walks out of the field of view bottom left, toward the side entrance.

As we walk into the pub I am conscious of my short skirt. I feel sexy, I feel great. The place is not busy at all but I feel a few eyes on me and I make sure that they see I am with Steve. There is a very nice guy wearing stubble and tight 501s by the bar, he appraises me. When we sit down I make sure that he is looking. I cross my legs - so much nylon-clad leg, and the wide tops of my hold-ups are lacy and start below the hem of my skirt. He looks very appreciative. I am wearing a push-up bra with some chicken fillets - I can get by without them but someday I would love to be naturally a C cup, not an A.

We make our choices from the menu and Steve goes to the bar to order. The guy in the 501s says something to him and looks back at me. Suddenly I don't feel so confident and I pull down the hem of my skirt.

Steve is back with drinks - mine is just an apple juice but he has a beer.

"Well you are a hit - that guy actually asked me if you are single!"

"And what did you say?" I re-cross my legs and let the hem ride up again.

"I said you are with me."

Later I would learn that the barman heard only what Steve said.

I look across at the guy and smile - a smile that says "thanks for the compliment - and you never know..."

Steve looks at me

"You are with me, aren't you?"

"What do you think, after that kiss just now - after last night? You can't be getting jealous every time someone looks at me!" I teased.

"OK, OK, sorry!"

"Anyway, it could be you he is looking at, if we come back here tonight..."