The End And The Beginning of Me 05

We were both lost in the kiss but as soon as it was over he quickly got up and started walking towards the kitchen. "What's wrong?" I asked as I followed him almost tripping on my panties which were now lying unceremoniously on the floor. "Nothing. I need to check on the pasta."

"The pasta is fine. The water hasn't even boiled yet. You could turn off the gas" I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder and pulled myself up to be closer to his ear "we can do something nicer."

"Not today" he said as he took my had off him and let it fall at my side. "I don't get it. Are you really going to choose cooking pasta over the alternative? And I can see you're interested!" I said as I moved my hand to tap his bulging jeans. My hand barely made it half way when he turned around pushed me against the wall and pinned me there with his forearm across my shoulders. "Listen little girl, I said not today. You're not ready. You may think you are but you're not. Do you get it now?"

"No. I don't. I think I should know if I'm ready or not. And I am."

"Really? Like you were with Mark? You still have nightmares about him and it's been over a year since then."

I could feel the anger bubble and rise to the surface and I could do little to control it at that moment not that I really wanted to. "How dare you compare yourself to Mark!" I said looking him straight in those big dark eyes of his. "That's the dumbest thing you could do. It's not the same! It's not even close!"

His demeanor changed and the pressure on my shoulders was reduced a little as he returned my stare looking slightly confused by my outburst. I used the opportunity and continued "I'm not stupid and I'm definitely not little! There's a huge difference between you two isn't there? What Mark did, or tried to do, was out of hate, spite and anger and I was genuinely afraid for my well-being. With you I feel anything but that. And I know I'm ready. So let me ask you this Adam, what are you afraid of?"

His hand dropped and he turned around to look at the pasta again. "Last night you had a panic attack just from researching things on the internet and now you think you're ready? You're not!"

"Since last night I have been punished twice by spanking. It was humiliating and painful and scary and I'm still here. Well, you are, this is my place after all. On top of that you have choked me until I blacked out, tied me up, locked me in my own house and I'm still here. I know I'm ready." In my mind I was frantically trying to think of ways to get through to him and then I remembered what he said on the night of what I think of as our date first you'll have to ask me. And after you ask me you'll have to beg.

I could feel my heartbeat grow faster and faster as I slowly moved from the spot he pushed me to, stood by his side and dropped to my knees while all the time fixing him with my stare. "You said I'll have to beg. So I am. You asked if I want you to be king of my dungeon. I do. I want you to be. I need you to be." I knew what was coming and I knew it was going to be one of the hardest things I did in a very long time. As my tears started to flow again I averted my gaze from him to the floor and a barely audible "Please" escaped my lips.

The next thing I know, he's on his knees next to me with his hand on my jaw lifting my head so I have to look straight at him. "Just like that? No questions? No fear? Whatever I want?"

"There are a million questions, a multitude of things I need to know and fear? I'm fucking terrified! so what. I've been terrified for a long time. At least now it's because of a good thing. And probably not everything you want. I don't know, I guess it depends on what you want. But I know I'm ready. I am ready to at least try. But there's one thing I need to know."

"And that is?"

"Why are you so worried? What is the big wolf afraid of?"