Renewal Ch. 01-08

He was looking at her with a strange combination of lust and terror. "I . . .I . . . "

"You want men to see me do this?" His cock was in her mouth. "You want to see me do it to them? Get bent over the bar and fucked by everyone?" When the door opened on their floor, luckily no one was there. She started leading him by the cock but by the time they got to their room they were almost running. He fumbled open the door, her hand working his cock. He pointed the camera at the bed and pressed record. Playing to the camera, she kept the outfit on as she fucked him until he was whimpering.

Chapter 4

Hunger got them out of their post-coital doze. When Danny was in the shower washing her cum off she looked at what today's gift bag held. The fuschia A-line skirt was a light brushed silk; it buttoned down the front and stopped halfway down her thigh. The muslin top was white and unlined and had no buttons or hooks: it wrapped and tied at the waist. She fiddled with the right way to tie the top for tonight; loosely so Danny could see her breasts when she leaned forward, or tight enough that her nipples would show. She felt like a female animal.

Danny appeared in the mirror behind her. A towel was wrapped around his waist.

"How should I tie the blouse?" She showed him the two options.

"Loose," he said.

"Like this?"

The edges that the designer meant to bind tightly between her breasts hung so open that she was barely covered. She'd have to remember to pull her shoulders back when the server came to the table. Or not. That's what Danny wants, after all.

"I could wear that naked bikini top," she said, "and not tie it at all."

"No," he said, draping an arm across her shoulders. "No top. I want to see."

"So will everyone else."

"Okay. If that's what you want."

"It's what you want, Danny. I'm giving you what you want. Just keep me safe."

Danny kissed the top of her head. "I promise. Only elegant dining rooms and moonlight walks along resort beaches. No sleazy dive bars or wet T-shirt contests."

It was a threat and a plea. He had moved to the closet, placing her between him and the light of the sunset flooding the room.

"When you stand in front of the light like that, I can see through the skirt," he said.

"I bet you like that."

"I do. Let me take a photo." He did. Then he took another one.

"Turn sideways," he said. He looked through the shutter.

"Definitely the right looseness," Danny said. The camera clicked twice.

"Time to go."

"This is really crazy," she said, to no one in particular. No one cared.

Dinner was gay and romantic. Somewhere during the second glass of wine she stopped paying attention to her top. She had been exposed to the wait staff more than once. After dinner, he escorted her away from the restaurant and they went to walk along the beach path, lit by tiki torches. There was a pier, and at the end of the pier a bench that looked across the lagoon and past the point beyond. They sat. A gibbous moon was rising. Danny undid three of her skirt's five buttons. She leaned back against his arm, opening her legs enough for him to see and the breeze to touch. The warm wind caressed her lower lips; she felt her blood rising in response, as if the ocean was making love to her. He reached around and used two hands to delicately pull the top open. She undid the tie. The top fell away from her chest and slid down off her shoulders. She could do anything.

The quiet night separated itself into different sounds; the lapping of the waves against rock and washing over sand, the palm branches brushing against each other, the bamboo's faint clacking as the wind played a tune. She heard these things, but mostly she heard the loud sound of the quiet man sitting next to her, the man whose desire filled her entire life. She put her hand in his crotch and he moved it away. "Shhh," he said.

Yielding, she put her right hand on his knee. With her left hand she took his where it dangled off her shoulder, and laid her head on his shoulder. They sat like that for a long time, the naked woman and her man. When Joy started to feel a little cold she stood up. The top dangled from her skirt; she pulled it up over her shoulders. He reached out to button the skirt, but she said you don't have to and undid the last button so it held together only at the waistband. He smiled an uncontrollable smile. With each step a bare thigh thrust out to the world. She left the blouse where it was, too, until they got a little closer to the hotel and the light got a little stronger; then she shrugged it closed without tying the knot. She was exposed from neck to waistband and waistband to feet, the shirt flapping open unless she held it closed, the skirt bunching at the sides of her legs. The couple they passed averted their eyes. The second they were alone in the elevator Danny pulled her shirt off and stuffed it in his pocket. Joy undid the last button. The skirt almost got left in the elevator. The walk to the room was painfully slow.

It seemed to take him forever to get the door open while she stood naked in the breezeway, the warm air setting her pores on fire. They fell toward the bed and he kissed her and didn't stop and she wanted his fingers inside her and the bed was soft and he was strong and she let go of everything.

"Let's go to the balcony," she said.

"Yes," he said, "Absolutely. Great. Thanks," and she remembered the morning and that nothing could harm her while she was naked. She only was raw skin, hearing his breath and his moans and feeling his hands and the heat of his body pulling her closer to who she was. When he finally came he collapsed on the chair, but she turned and stood and looked at him and realized that the will that she had was what he wanted.

"Danny?" A thought pushed through the riot of sensation that fucking her husband outside naked was.

"Uh." He couldn't even talk. He had taken himself to exhaustion and she had taken all of it.

"Are you done?"

"Yes. You?"

"I don't have to be."

"What do you mean?" His voice was strained, as if it came from a great distance, filtered through too many layers of paper.

"Because of today. I could, I think. . . your fantasy."

"Really." His voice was surprisingly non-expressive.

"I don't know that it's a good idea, but a part of me . . ."

"Okay," he said.

The suspense was killing her. "Do you want me to?"

"Maybe," he said. He sounded afraid. "I don't know. The idea really turns me on."

"Sharing me?"

"Watching you. I guess sharing is what would be happening, though, wouldn't it?"

"You can't watch me if someone else isn't there."

"True."

"You'd have to really, really want me to."

"You said that."

"Okay. I'd feel safe it if was them, I think."

"Them?"

"Lea and Tal."

"Wow," he said. "That kind of raises the stakes. Are you proposing this?"

She was ready to talk more about this thing that they had found in him, showing her, and this thing that they had found in her, to be the thing that he wanted. "Not necessarily." It also was the thing that he feared. She could see the anxiety building in his face. She took his hand.

"We can just leave it there," she said, and took him to their bed.

She laid him down and crawled in next to him, cuddling him and placing a soft hand on his chest, to rub gently as his sweat slowly dissipated. She sat up on her elbow and watched him as he fell almost immediately into a deep sleep.

Joy's sex was tingling, and the fluids were still warm on her thighs and her skin was vibrating and she couldn't sleep, not right away, so she cleaned up a bit in the bathroom and after a while of trying to read her book she put it down and found the camera and figured out how to look at the photos he had taken. A part of her wanted to hate them, but Danny had been so happy and respectful that she thought she would try to see what he was seeing when he looked at her. Some of the pictures were nice, and a lot were just pornographic. Joy was okay with the way she looked in about half of them. This is what he sees when he looks at me, she thought, he sees the girl he met and the woman I am, the saint, the whore, the mother, the wife, he sees it all. I inhabit his fantasy and his reality. This is the way I brand him. My superpower.

It wasn't really so bad for him to feel that way. When she got back into bed she put her hand on Danny's shoulder. He didn't move so she cuddled up closer to him, and he still didn't move, so instead of pushing the issue she rolled over and went to sleep herself.

Chapter 5

In the morning she felt wonderfully refreshed. Danny was still asleep, and she thought that maybe she should be ready for him when he woke up, so she put on the transparent little nightgown he had bought for her. It looked okay in the mirror but it really was superfluous, so she took it off and left it on the nightstand. She made some coffee and sat naked on the balcony, reading the newspaper on her phone. When the sun was all the way up, Joy was finished with waiting and opened the shades and the balcony doors and let the full fresh of tropical morning fill the room. When she turned back to the bed Danny was awake. He had thrown back the sheets and was holding one hand out to her. The other one was wrapped around his completely hard cock.

"Look, Joy," he said. "Do you believe it?"

"Not wasting any time, are we?" she said, and pushed him onto his back.

"Good Morning." In one smooth motion he was buried inside her. He humped gently.

"It just got a whole lot gooder," he said. "How'd you sleep?"

"Great. You?"

"Also great. You've been up?"

"For a while," she said. "I looked at the pictures last night."

He stopped humping. "And?"

"I didn't delete any. I saw why you like them."

"Thank you," he said. "That makes me happy. Did you watch the videos?"

"No. Maybe if you watch me on the videos you won't have to share me after all." She was happy that she could be so matter-of-fact about it. She wondered faintly if their loss made it matter less.

But Danny seemed to take it as face value. "Not that I want to share you," he allowed. "I haven't watched them yet. Maybe we can do that tonight." He paused. "You'd need to be totally on board with it, you know. Totally."

She could hear his fantasies revving up inside his head. "I know."

"Want to go down to breakfast or have room service?" he asked.

"You pick." She rolled her hips on his cock.

"I like you naked," he said. "Would you mind being naked in the dining room?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yesterday was enough of that."

"Okay, then. Room Service."

He lifted her off him and reached to the phone. He stretched full-length and the line of muscles along his arm and chest and down his belly and along his leg and even after twenty-five years together his manliness was so strange and so stimulating, to be that strong, that big, that hairy. He's Adonis, she thought, and the cock that still was hard and wet from being inside her was in her mouth. He gasped, but kept talking to the woman on the other end. She enthusiastically fellated him until he hung up and laid back on the pillow; but she still was really liking it so she curled in next to him and laid her head on his belly, and guided the tip back into her mouth. He fucked her mouth with gradually increasing gusto until her hand on his hip stopped him, and she felt the muscles of his pelvis relax under her cheek. She kept him in her mouth, occasionally sucking the tip or tickling the glans with her tongue.

They lay there, the head of his cock securely in her mouth. They might have fallen asleep again, because it seemed like just a minute before the doorbell rang.

"Coming," Danny called out. He got up and took the sheet off the bed, wrapping it around his waist, and went to the door.

He wants me to be naked in front of the waiter, she thought. She reached for the comforter and cocooned herself in it. She heard the cart roll in. There was a clanking of silver and china as the balcony table was set; Joy counted each sound. The cart rolled away. She heard him sign the check. Danny thanked the waiter and the door closed. Joy rolled over, throwing off the cover, and challenged her husband.

"You took the sheet. You didn't think about covering me."

"I did think about it," he said. "I just didn't do it. It's your choice. Did you want him to see?"

"I want you to see. But you wanted him to see, didn't you?"

"Yes," he said. Unequivocal.

She knew it was riskier than he thought it was. "Too far, I think."

"This would have been pretty safe," he said.

"Maybe," Joy said. "Then you'd want to take a picture of him looking at me. And we'd both like it. Then you'd want him to watch me touch myself, and I'd do it. Then?"

"Maybe you'd want to fuck him." Danny said this noncommittally.

"By that point, I probably would. Would you want me to? Suppose I do and you don't?"

"Then I'd hope you wouldn't. I see your point, I guess. Far enough."

Joy hoped that was true but thought that perhaps it wasn't; he liked watching her, it's just a matter of degree. She knew that if Danny had asked her to the waiter would be fucking her right now. And Danny, too. Yikes. Joy shivered with terror and delight.

So be it. But we still have a few more days here. Joy slipped the camisole over her head and joined her husband for breakfast on the balcony.

Chapter 6

Even Danny seemed sated. They spent that day swimming and sunning and walking on the beach. Joy wore a regular bikini and covered up in the hotel and read a novel under their beach umbrella like a normal tourist matron. Danny kept his hands to himself. The person she was yesterday was at arms-length; it was a real part of her that had emerged and handed herself over to Danny's fantasy, even if it wasn't a natural part. A hundred people had seen her and thought she was naked. She thought she recognized the fat man who had seen up her so-called skirt yesterday and while she was relieved that he didn't seem to recognize her, she wouldn't have been embarrassed if he had. She pointed him out to Danny, who shrugged his shoulders and vanished deeper into his novel. She wondered how Danny could sit there and read when the ferment of yesterday wouldn't leave her mind.

"Danny?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you really want to watch me with another man?"

He looked up from his book but kept it open to the page he was on. "I don't know that you would or that I'd ask you to."

"Answer the question, please."

"In my fantasy, yes. I'm not sure about reality. It turns me on, but there must be a downside."

"I never thought about it before," she said. "It's not like I want to, but more like I can imagine trying it as a part of us, if you want to. How long have you had these fantasies?"

"Since yesterday."

"That can't be true."

"Hey, Joy, I told you. I thought about you exhibiting yourself for me. I thought about you making a movie for me. You with our friends was a safe and non-realistic fantasy. It's only when we actually did it that I realized the part for me that is real. How come you like showing off? How long have you wanted to fuck someone else?"

"I don't! Didn't!" But she saw his point.

They both were quiet for a time.

Joy said, "This is new to both of us. I never saw that part of you before. Plus you really got me off." She felt like she really needed him and she shouldn't do anything stupid. "If we can be like this without it that would probably be best," she said.

"Certainly more customary," he said. "But these days have been desire and terror all wrapped up together." He sat up cross-legged, and took her hand. "One thing, though. If anything happens it has to be both of us. That's a limit for me. It would kill me to have you sleep with someone without me there. Not that I'm necessarily ready for it with me there, either. Just us for now, right?"

She appreciated how careful he was being. "We can leave that to your fantasy, then."

"I guess this should scare me, Joy. I don't really understand it. Why does showing you off turn me on? Why do I fantasize you with someone else?"

"I don't know."

"It's been a secret, and I don't like keeping secrets from you. Thanks for listening."

"I love you," she said, as if that could both explain and excuse the way he was feeling.

"Okay, me too," he said, and went back to his book.

He wants me to do it for him, she thought.

She had a sudden vision of her mother in law dressed in armor and brandishing a sword, protecting a swarm of little Dannys. Joy giggled, then lay back and dropped her hat over her face. She wondered why the conversation didn't feel better. He's not really asking how I feel, she thought. But I felt great, and he felt that. Danny can compartmentalize. That's one of the reasons I married him, I suppose. In a crisis he becomes more of who he is to deal with it. I depend on that. It helped when we lost Jenny. Last night on the bench, it had felt really good to make him so happy. She had felt sheltered by him, but he wanted his secret kept. The slight tingling that she had been feeling between her legs subsided, and her novel suddenly became quite absorbing.

They got naked in their room that afternoon, and got hard and wet, respectively, but then fell asleep instead of making love. She chose her own outfit for dinner, a short but not-too-short blue sundress with cap sleeves and a side zip, but for his benefit went without underwear. After they got back Danny wanted to watch the videos with her. He asked her to keep her dress on. He had figured out how to hook the camera up to the TV, and she got to watch her porn debut in 1080pHD at 65 inches across. He reached his arm out to her and she cuddled up against him and jacked him off while he played gently with the parts of her he could get his hands on. The whole blowjob got kind of long and repetitive, but the forest was nice. Danny had actually done a pretty good job of placing the camera, because on the wide angle you could see the whole setting, but when he zoomed in the scene became her head and his hips and the wet, red stiffness connecting them. The orchid was a nice touch. She thought she actually looked kind of beautiful if you could accept the cock in her mouth, and she remembered how much she had wanted him. But she had to come back into the moment a little bit because by the time she showed her cum filled mouth to the camera Danny already had cum all over her hand and gotten hard again.

He put on the other video. "Climb on?" he asked.

She straddled him and they watched it; she remembered how hot she had felt but it was kind of boring, watching him hammer her nonstop for twenty minutes, both of them grunting and groaning, although to be fair she also contributed a goodly amount of gasping and moaning. When her face was visible it was twisted into something not very relaxed. It looks like I'm suffering, but I wasn't.

When it was done, and when Danny was done, she asked him, "Are you going to make a movie out of this?"

"Maybe." He smiled the smile of a fifty-three-year-old man whose wife had made him cum twice in the past half hour. "I might need some more raw footage."

Did he just leer at me? Joy felt diminished. "Oy. I don't know, Danny, maybe this is enough for a while. Did you video me on the mountain, too?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Just photos."

"You keep saying it's all about me but it's actually about your desire."

"You own my desire," he said.

"No, Danny, not really," she told him, but her pleasure in fulfilling Danny's desire had led Joy past a barrier that it turned out she didn't actually have. Something had changed their perception of themselves and of each other and that changed view of the other was changing the very substrate of their marriage.