Madonna or Whore

I was not in love
I wanted to be
I pretended to be
I hoped to be
But I wasn’t
There were other men
That I wanted
That I thought about
When I was
Under
My husband
Bored and
Waiting
For him
To finish
To roll over
To leave me to
My own hand
While he
Slept and snored
The men I
Wanted
Made me
Feel
Things I didn’t
Understand or
Appreciate
I thought about them
Decadently
Deliciously
Dangerously
As I chased my own
Pleasure
Finding it
Only when
Thinking the most
Depraved
Thoughts
My desires
Scared me
In the best way
I wanted
What I didn’t know
I was allowed
To want
I settled
For stability
For normalcy
I chose to be a
Madonna
Rather than a
Whore
I tried to be a
Good girl
I tried to be a
Good wife
With a
Good husband
But I wasn’t
He wasn’t
There was always
Something
Missing
That something was
Tending to the
Dark parts of me
That I hid
Ignored
Abandoned
I found them
I found me
When he left
Now I indulge
Myself
As often as I can
Thrilled to have
A hand on my
Throat
A pull of my
Hair
A slap on my
Ass
A grip on my
Wrists
A growl in my
Ear
I need
Fear
I need
Pain
I need
Trust
I need
Safety
I had the wrong
Fear and pain
Without the right
Trust and safety
It was a sad
Compromise
No more
Settling
My marriage was
A waste
I will not
Waste
Another second
I deserve
Pleasure
I deserve
Lust
I deserve
Panting
Sweating
Arching
Squirming
Binding and
Bruising
I deserve
To be chased
To be caught
To be held down and
To be pleased
In ways that work
For me
In ways that
He couldn’t or
Wouldn’t
Understand
I deserve to
Embrace and
Indulge my
Inner whore
My bad girl
I deserve
A dangerous man
Who is mine
Who gets me
Who wants me
And who
Hurts me
Beautifully
Perfectly and
Achingly well
Before
Wrapping me in the
Safety of
His strength
His care and
His arms
Kinky whores
Want to be loved
As much as
Or perhaps even
More than
Prissy Madonnas