Lust or Trust

I am
A bit drunk
A little stoned and
so tired.
I am
Face down
on my bed
Hands folded
Under my head.
I am
Hyper aware of
The feel of my skin
Under my satin lingerie
Under the flogger
Under your hands,
Your tongue,
Your teeth.
I notice the thread of
Control
In your breathing,
Your movements.
I wonder
If that thread
Will snap.
I work to
Even my breaths.
I remind myself
I can trust you.
I make myself
Do everything
You demand,
Not wanting to
Challenge
Your dominance.
Not tonight.
We like me
Bratty
Sometimes.
But I am feeling
Way too vulnerable,
Too in my head.
Too aware that
I am drunk and
You are sober
And ready
And wanting.
The flogger
Falling
On my back
Gives me
Something to
Focus on.
The pain is
Welcome,
More thud than
Sting and
I try
To relax
Into it but
My body is thrumming,
Fighting against it,
Moving restlessly.
Your voice is
Low, dangerous gravel.
Can you stay still or
Do I have to tie you?
Shit.
I’m too wired to be tied.
My voice is
A trembling whisper.
I can stay still.
And I do.
And you tie me
anyway.
I feel the no!please!no!
Fall from my lips.
And realize
It tastes like fear.
Fuck.
I panic.
I thrash.
I may have shrieked.
You immediately stop.
Cover me
With all of your weight.
Calm me
Like a skittish mare
About to bolt.
Your voice is a
Mix of
Surprised, sad and soothing.
You can always say no.
I will always stop.
You don’t have to freak out.
Ok?
I relax against you.
Yes. Ok. Untie me.
Then the ropes are gone.
The flogger is gone.
It’s just us.
Skin on satin.
Lips on lips.
Bodies in the dark.
At one point
I wind up
In the dining room
On the table
Curled over you
Gripping your shoulder as
Your fingers curl
Inside me and
Your other hand
Grips my
Throat.
You can
Tie me
Next time.
Tonight
Vanilla with
A hint of spice is
Decadent and
Delicious
Enough.