a single child .......

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Ashesh9
Ashesh9
155 Followers

it was raining torrentially &
I was bundled up in my snug , rainproof Windcheater
happily feeling immune to the Wet , the Cold ....
.......till I suddenly saw a small , miserable toddler shivering in the rain totally exposed , wet, drenched ................
how can any man be comfortable as long as a
single child shivers miserably ....in the rain ????

Ashesh9
Ashesh9
155 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
9 Comments
twelveoonetwelveooneover 9 years ago
thus is an observation, Ash

"This was a impulse / flash reaction without any earlier history or further repercussions to this Reaction !?!

I reacted as a 1. a Parent 2. a Humane Being &3. a Poet !?"

your response, a further response will be forthcoming

If you cared as a Poet!?? you would have paid a little more attention to the er, poetry. What I see is a series of ploys, evasions, and more dumbfuckery from you.

The ploy worked, at least on some, the poem doesn't, it probably was the worst poem I've even seen, totally false, unedited tripe.

And the question was as far as your discomfort, what did you do?

The score ash? - you neglected to make a case for it.

pelegrinopelegrinoover 9 years ago

I read this many days later. The sentiment expressed is very human and noble, but somehow I agree with GM on the technical point he made.

5ed anyway!

greenmountaineergreenmountaineerover 9 years ago

I'm here, Ash. I just don't get to visit New Poems every day.

To be honest, this is a bit too descriptive for me. I like it when a poem makes me work a little bit as yours sometimes do.

I'd also not ask a rhetorical question where the answer is obvious because it doesn't engage the reader.

One of the guidelines that's been drummed into my head is "show, not tell." For example, could you have suggested that you were suddenly flush with fever, temperature rising, and let the reader figure you were going to take off your raincoat and give it to the child without ever having said so?

Ashesh9Ashesh9over 9 years agoAuthor
to Ye Ageless Timer

I didnae' ask thee for a quid

to feed'n clothe the kid

Fools rush in......

where Angels fear to tread ...??!!!

1201 passes Comment

GM remains silent !!!!

twelveoonetwelveooneover 9 years ago
I think

what trix asked was did you off your coat and give it to the kid?

or did you as a poet ruthlessly steal the kids misery to foist it off on us, (play the sympathy card) so we all feel better by feeling badder. This is how charities work...and very little goes to the kids.

This is how politics work...and if anything is done, it is done badly for the kids and everyone else pays somehow.

And this is how religions work...either the kid deserved it or he will go to a better place.

I will save you and any future commentator the trouble.

I am a heartless motherfucker, when it comes to this, realistically there is nothing I can do for this kid. Pray, please god upset the whole weather pattern so the kid can sit in the sun. Fuck the farmers and the thirsty, let 'em buy bottled water. They can pray later.

This btw is known as trite sentimentalism in poet lingo.

I did not vote.

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